IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #media #sites #facebook #twitter #impact #ability #form #relationships
Communication plays a vital role in everyone's
life
. Modern technology,
however
, has changed the way
people
 interact with each other. In today's era,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
people
 choose social
media
 applications to connect with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 loved ones and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
build new friendships and relationships. Anyhow, I believe that there are both positive and negative impacts of social
media
 on children's lives. I will discuss the strengths and weaknesses of social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 in the following paragraphs.
Initially
, I will throw a light on
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
 of utilizing
time
 on
media
 platforms and forming interconnections. All around the globe,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of teenagers spend way too much
time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 web browsing and social applications. Social
media
 applications
such
 as Instagram, Facebook and Twitter
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 up-to-date information regarding ongoing events which make youngsters aware of their surroundings and current affairs of the world. As an example,
today
Change noun form
today's
show examples
 youth prefers everything ready-at-hand so,
social
Correct word choice
so social
show examples
media
 is a way of building instant interrelations and gaining vast knowledge about anything and everything.
Moreover
, these sites allow instant messaging and calls anywhere in the world.
Hence
, it is easier to exchange thoughts and feelings which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to the ability
of making
Replace the preposition
to make
show examples
 personal relationships online.
Further
, I will discuss the erroneous impact of social platforms on children's
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 and
life
. Young
people
 consume too much
time
 on their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 scrolling and comparing their
life
 with others which drains energy and may lead to stress, anxiety and depression. In our everyday lives, we can see
people
 using social sites for enjoyment which shows the lack of connection in reality. So, I think
people
 are devoiding their ability to form real connections that
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
 an essential role in
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 livelihood. In conclusion, I would say that everything has
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 strengths and shortcomings. Anything beyond
limit
Add an article
the limit
show examples
 is harmful so, not only youngsters but everyone should try to limit the use of social
media
 and try forming real relationships with the
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 around them. Social
media
 platforms can benefit children if they learn to manage their
time
 effectively and not focus on other's
life
 but
instead
 make themselves the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of attention.
Submitted by knavjot072 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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