IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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Good physical
as well as mental
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, as well as mental condition,
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condition
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conditions
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 always have a direct link with our diet. The common notion, 'we are what we eat and drink' is gaining importance in the contemporary epoch as people are tempted to follow unhealthy eating patterns thereby endangering their
well being
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well-being
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. Owing to the ill effects of
sweetners
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sweeteners
 on
health
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, there is an argument supporting that ought to increase the cost of sugary products in order to discourage
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 consumption by
public
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the public
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. I certainly agree with the aforementioned
as
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apply
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health
Use synonyms
 as
health
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 is the prime important factor. According to the trends in
economy
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the economy
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, the demand for a product decreases with
inclination
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an inclination
the inclination
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 of its price.
Hence
Linking Words
, money is
top
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the top
a top
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 priority of people, they tend to think twice before buying an expensive good with high sugar content
eventually
Correct word choice
and eventually
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 switch their minds to opt for cheaper as well as healthier alternatives. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, the sales of
Coca cola
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Coca-cola
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 plummeted
to
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by
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 almost 30 % as soon as its price went up by 5%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
increased
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the increased
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 cost of sugary commodities will have
negative
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a negative
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 impact on
purchasing
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the purchasing
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 power of individuals. Being juveniles and teenagers as the major customers of sweetened food and drinks, making it expensive ultimately reduces
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 consumption as the money in hands of children
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 limited somehow forcing them to restrict the intake of these
unheathier
Correct your spelling
unhealthier
healthier
 diet options.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
price
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the price
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 of Cadbury has been increased
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up to
upto
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up to
 a considerable level its buying frequency will be reduced automatically. To sum up, taking
health
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 and customer's rights into consideration, I reckon that increasing the cost of goods with artificial
sweetners
Correct your spelling
sweeteners
 is beneficial in reducing
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 consumption.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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