IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary productsshiuld be expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #productsshiuld #people
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Nowadays, many produced food and drink goods involve
high
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a high
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amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of
sugar
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 which can have terrible impacts on health. Sugary
products
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 should be made more exclusive than
the
Change preposition
in the
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 olden days so that
people
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 will consume less
sugar
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. I totally agree with the statement for many important reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with about
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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people
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 do not seriously care about the drawbacks of the things if they are not expensive enough to purchase
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
People
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 consume the
sugar
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 without thinking too much
whether
Change preposition
about whether
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 it is necessary to use
or
Correct pronoun usage
it or
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 not. Whenever they manufacture some
products
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, they apply approximately 80%
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
sugar
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 as the main components. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the price of the
sugar
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 is cheap as well as they misunderstand that applying too much
sugar
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 can make their
products
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 tasty as well as delicious.
Secondly
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, making the sugary goods more exclusive can make
people
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to
Change the verb form
apply
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pay attention
on
Change the preposition
to
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 the
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
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 limit
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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sugar
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. In the past years, they are not restricted to purchase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar
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products
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 because the price was too cheap to buy.
For example
Linking Words
, children eat
the
Correct article usage
apply
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candies as
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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both snacks or suppers. If there are constraints in eating sugary goods,
people
Use synonyms
 will have a better healthy life. Only if the price of the sugary
products
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rocketing
Replace the word
rockets
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, they will realize the disadvantages of eating sugary
products
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 without no limit. In conclusion,
people
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 consider
about
Change preposition
apply
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their finance even though they do not care about their health.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I obviously agree with the statements for the reasons that I mentioned above.
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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