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Band 4.5

Nowadays business face problem with new employees who just finished their education and lack some interpersonal skills such as the ability to work in a team what do you think is the main cause of the problem? how can it be resolved?

In
this
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 contemporary era, workers are the backbone of any organisation.
However
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, at the present time, there are some difficulties, which are seen in industries, because of recently educated employees, who do not have the ability to teamwork. There are several reasons behind
this
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,
such
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 as
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of experience and particular knowledge and some viable remedies are illustrated in the
further
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, companies have to face problems, because newly employed staff
never
Verb problem
have never
show examples
 had
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experience
that
Change preposition
with
show examples
 how things work in
business
Use synonyms
. Because of
this
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, they might create some problems.
Besides
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this
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, you are not familiar with their colleagues.
Thus
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, they do not get support and are incapable
to resolve
Change preposition
of resolving
show examples
 it.
Furthermore
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, thanks to some educational systems
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 only get theoretical knowledge, which leads them to be totally
aware
Use the right word
unaware
show examples
 of the
business
Use synonyms
 environment.
For instance
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, if someone has learnt
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 a book how to work as a team, but that person does not know how to
imply
Verb problem
apply
show examples
 it in real life,
then
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 the
business
Use synonyms
 can never
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
benefit.
Apart from
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this
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, to tackle
such
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situations
Punctuation problem
situations,
show examples
 organisations should provide
such
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 employees with a friendly environment, so if they do not know how to handle some work,
then
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 they can ask their co-workers or seniors without any kind of hesitation.
Besides
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this
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, Play can increase their teamwork and communication skills, which are an essential part of the
business
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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,
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 should
put
Verb problem
make
show examples
 numerous changes to the education system. There should be some facilities for university students. which could be helpful for their career.
For example
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, paid internships, specific training regarding their stream and particular knowledge should be attached to the study.
Hence
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, they do not like interpersonal skills. In conclusion,
although
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 businesses face problems with fresh employees
due to
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 several reasons,
this
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 can be resolved by obstruction of not only the industry but
also
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authority
Correct article usage
the authority
show examples
.

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structure
Add a clear plan in the opening and follow it in the body. Start with a short statement of your view, then say what you will discuss.
grammar
Use correct grammar and simple word choice. For example, replace 'imply' with 'apply' and 'Play' with 'teamwork' or 'team work'.
content
Give more real examples, not only ideas. Mention things like paid internships or group project tasks to show teamwork in action.
coherence
Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly, such as 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'as a result'.
content
The topic is clear and you discuss causes and fixes.
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion, giving a clear layout.
coherence
There are some good connectors that link ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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