IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measures
While
offenders
 are always punished everywhere, they tend to commit more
crimes
. These are because of some severe malfunction Punishments and unimpressive ways of sentences which are implemented around the world, so it is necessary to find
effective
Add an article
an effective
show examples
 approach to deal with these problems.
To begin
 with, guilty men do
crimes
 when they cannot find the right way in their life; not knowing why they did these
crimes
, criminals try to learn more
crimes
 from the other prisoners. Other prisoners are probably more familiar with other types of
crimes
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 can be learned by new
offenders
 serving their
first
 punishment.
AS a result
, they come out with an extensive range of bad experiences.
In addition
, Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
offenders
Add an article
the offenders
show examples
 are people who had very gloomy childhood. The more you
aa
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 a consultant speak with them, the more you can understand
harsh
Add an article
the harsh
show examples
 situation in which they raised.
Consequently
Add a comma
,Consequently
show examples
 if you want to treat them, you must help them to accept
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
suffers
Replace the word
suffering
show examples
 and handle it. Just in
this
 way,
therefore
, they may control themselves and take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
 to run their life.
Finally
, severe punishment can take a big
roll
Correct your spelling
role
show examples
 on the personality of culprits, Punished so harsh and with violence,
offenders
 try to revenge after coming
over
Change preposition
out
show examples
 of jail. They,
however
, are aware of the negative results of their
crimes
commit
Correct word choice
and commit
show examples
Add an article
the offence
an offence
show examples
offence
Fix the agreement mistake
offences
show examples
 to become happy and feel free. To conclude,
Although
 there are some causes including not knowing their essence of problems, harsh
punshment
Correct your spelling
punishment
punishments
 and being
besides
Replace the word
beside
show examples
 the other prisoners in prisons, by effective policy administers can be able to take
Measure
Fix the agreement mistake
Measures
show examples
 to tackle
this
 issue in
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
Submitted by m2010.science on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation programs
  • social stigma
  • ex-convicts
  • reintegration
  • support systems
  • mental health issues
  • addiction problems
  • criminal networks
  • incarceration
What to do next:
Look at other essays: