IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many people join online learning programs and study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefit as attending colleges or universities does. Do you agree or disagree? Use good reasons and examples

#people #programs #study #home #benefit #colleges #universities
Nowadays,
students
 have a
lot
Add the preposition
oflot
show examples
 opportunities to choose where to
study
 the courses. Some
students
 want to learn the
classes
 from
home
, but
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 think that learning from
home
 will get less benefit from studying at
school
.
This
 statement will clarify
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both thoughts and show my opinion. On the one hand,
Add an article
a study
show examples
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 from
home
 will
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
students
 get more comfortable because they are in their
comfortable
Replace the word
comfort
show examples
 zone.
In addition
, it will
less
Replace the word
lessen
show examples
 the stress
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
students
.
For example
, some children have stress from teachers and some
classes
 that they
are not understand
Change the verb form
do not understand
show examples
.
However
,
students
 could pay less attention
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
classes
 because they can play games or watch
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 while the teachers are teaching.
Furthermore
, they can
cheats
Change the verb form
cheat
show examples
 the exam during the test.
On the other hand
,
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 from
school
 is a good
opportunities
Change the noun form
opportunity
show examples
 for
students
. They will get to know their friends and will get to learn
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
passive
Add an article
a passive
show examples
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 that
school
 did not teach.
Moreover
,
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 onsite will give benefit than
study
 online because when the
students
 do not understand in the class, the
teaches
Correct your spelling
teachers
show examples
 can clarify what they do
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 understand. According to the scientist, they said "
study
 onsite is better than
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 online because it will make
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 enjoy
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
school
 and less the stress that
students
 have." In my opinion, I totally agree that attending
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
classes
 at
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
collage
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
 will give more
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 to the
students
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
than
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 online. From experience, I had to learn at
home
 because of the Coronavirus, But it turns out not as good as I expected, I do not get to see my friends and teachers.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
 situation told me that learning at
school
 is fun and more
enjoy
Replace the word
enjoyable
show examples
 than
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 online.
Submitted by phakinyiangyong on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: