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Some educationalists say that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#educationalists #child #instrument
Nowadays, many
school
Change to a plural noun
schools
show examples
 have decided to teach the
students
 how to play a musical
instrument
, because it will release the stress from the
children
. I agree that learning a
music
Replace the word
musical
show examples
instrument
 is better for the
students
.
To begin
 with, learning a musical
instrument
 will help the
children
 relax and be patient, because to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 in that piece of
instrument
, you have to keep
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 over and over until you succeed.
In addition
, playing an
instrument
 will make the player and the listener be
more calm
Replace the words
calmer
show examples
 and could release the stress.
Furthermore
, playing
music
 is one of the best
hobby
Change to a plural noun
hobbies
show examples
 that every child will enjoy. The
students
 in Phillippines are good at academic subjects because their schools taught them through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 makes the
students
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
enjoy
to study
Change the verb form
studying
show examples
 at school.
Moreover
, other countries should follow the schools in Phillippines to increase
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
 skills
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
students
.
In addition
,
scientific
Replace the word
scientists
show examples
 agree that learning through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
 is help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 understand more than normal ways. It could be a path for their jobs
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because some
children
 could find a way in their future career to be a musician In conclusion. I totally agree that every child should study
musical
Add an article
a musical
show examples
instrument
Fix the agreement mistake
instruments
show examples
, because it will help the
children
 calm
and
Change preposition
down and
show examples
 be patient. Being patient is the most important thing that adults should be, and
this
 could be taught through the
music
Submitted by phakinyiangyong on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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