Some educationalists say that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many
school
Change to a plural noun
schools
show examples
have decided to teach the
students
how to play a musical
instrument
, because it will release the stress from the
children
. I agree that learning a
music
Replace the word
musical
show examples
instrument
is better for the
students
.
To begin
with, learning a musical
instrument
will help the
children
relax and be patient, because to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
in that piece of
instrument
, you have to keep
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
over and over until you succeed.
In addition
, playing an
instrument
will make the player and the listener be
more calm
Replace the words
calmer
show examples
and could release the stress.
Furthermore
, playing
music
is one of the best
hobby
Change to a plural noun
hobbies
show examples
that every child will enjoy. The
students
in Phillippines are good at academic subjects because their schools taught them through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
makes the
students
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
enjoy
to study
Change the verb form
studying
show examples
at school.
Moreover
, other countries should follow the schools in Phillippines to increase
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
skills
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
students
.
In addition
,
scientific
Replace the word
scientists
show examples
agree that learning through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
is help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
understand more than normal ways. It could be a path for their jobs
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because some
children
could find a way in their future career to be a musician In conclusion. I totally agree that every child should study
musical
Add an article
a musical
show examples
instrument
Fix the agreement mistake
instruments
show examples
, because it will help the
children
calm
and
Change preposition
down and
show examples
be patient. Being patient is the most important thing that adults should be, and
this
could be taught through the
music
Submitted by phakinyiangyong on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: