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Band 2.5

Some educationalists say that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#educationalists #child #instrument
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Nowadays, many
school
Change to a plural noun
schools
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 have decided to teach the
students
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 how to play a musical
instrument
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, because it will release the stress from the
children
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. I agree that learning a
Use synonyms
music
Replace the word
musical
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instrument
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 is better for the
students
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.
To begin
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 with, learning a musical
instrument
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 will help the
children
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 relax and be patient, because to
success
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succeed
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 in that piece of
instrument
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, you have to keep
practicing
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practising
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 over and over until you succeed.
In addition
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, playing an
instrument
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 will make the player and the listener be
more calm
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calmer
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 and could release the stress.
Furthermore
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, playing
music
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 is one of the best
hobby
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hobbies
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 that every child will enjoy. The
students
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 in Phillippines are good at academic subjects because their schools taught them through
the
Correct article usage
apply
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music
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 makes the
students
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more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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enjoy
to study
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studying
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 at school.
Moreover
Linking Words
, other countries should follow the schools in Phillippines to increase
academic
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the academic
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 skills
in
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of
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 the
students
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.
In addition
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,
scientific
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scientists
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 agree that learning through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
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 is help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
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 understand more than normal ways. It could be a path for their jobs
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because some
children
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 could find a way in their future career to be a musician In conclusion. I totally agree that every child should study
musical
Add an article
a musical
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Use synonyms
instrument
Fix the agreement mistake
instruments
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, because it will help the
children
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 calm
and
Change preposition
down and
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 be patient. Being patient is the most important thing that adults should be, and
this
Linking Words
 could be taught through the
music
Use synonyms
Submitted by phakinyiangyong on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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