At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

​Today, the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young adults outnumbers the population of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
in some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the countries. Some might say it is beneficial and some might believe it is problematic. In my opinion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. ​
First
of all, young adults or youths have more potential in working long hours than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
. Why is it so? It is obvious that
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
generation has more energy to work under pressure and the capability of handling difficult situations cannot be compared to old
people
. Not only that, they have the one important thing which the older generations
lacks
Change the verb form
lack
show examples
.
That is
something we called creativity. Young
people
usually try to discuss everyone’s opinion and combine every idea to be more productive and consistent.
That is
how they become more reliable than the other generation. ​
Secondly
, it cannot be denied that old
people
have the experience, sense, talents and subject knowledge
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
the younger resides. They may be slower in the industry but they have more precise concentration on their work and less problematic behaviour. As they have gone through a period of time, they have faced
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pressures, failures, victories and problems and they know how to get up from
devastating
Add an article
the devastating
show examples
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
. ​To conclude, every person is valuable in their own
positions
Fix the agreement mistake
position
show examples
.
However
, young
people
can do more benefits than the older generation and
that is
why the pros of overpopulating with the youths overweigh the cons. ​
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: