IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays on-line shopping has become more popular than in-store shopping. Is it a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

#development
THESE DAYS THE INTERNET HAVE TAKEN THE SHOPPING INDUSTRY BY STORM AND INCREASED THE POPULARITY OF
THE
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ONLINE SHOPPING.
THIS
 ESSAY DISCUSSES THE ADVANTAGES
AS WELL AS
 THE DISADVANTAGES BEFORE REACHING A CONCLUSION.
FIRSTLY
,THERE ARE MANY BENEFITS TO THE RECENT BOOM IN THE E-SHOPPING WHICH INCREASED ACCESS TO THE CUSTOMERS ACROSS A WIDE RANGE OF PRODUCTS AND IMPROVED HEALTHY COMPETITION AMONG DIFFERENT COMPANIES ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT ONES.THE
TELE-COMMUNICATION
Correct your spelling
TELECOMMUNICATION
 SECTOR HAS IMPROVISED A LOT,
EVENTUALLY
Correct word choice
AND EVENTUALLY
show examples
, IT
LEAD
Wrong verb form
HAS LED
show examples
 TO A MAJOR ROLE IN IMPROVING THE EXPOSURE OF THE PUBLIC TO THE E-MARKET .
MOREOVER
,
THIS
 CHANGE HAS GIVEN A BOOST TO THE EXISTING RACE BETWEEN VARIOUS FIRMS.
THUS
,THE CUSTOMERS ARE ABLE TO ENJOY THE BEST PRICES FOR EVERY PRODUCT.
FOR EXAMPLE
, A RECENT STUDY CONDUCTED BY THE DEPARTMENT OF COMMERCE OF THE NATIONAL INSTITUTE OF COMMERCE CONCLUDED THAT 50 PER CENT OF BUYERS WHO EARLIER RELIED ON
THE
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
LOCAL SELLERS
ARE
Verb problem
apply
show examples
NO LONGER
PREFERRING
Wrong verb form
PREFER
show examples
 TO DO SO.
SECONDLY
, WE MUST LOOK INTO THE NEGATIVE ASPECTS OF
THIS
 SHIFT VERY CLOSELY.THE THREAT TO THE SMALL-SCALE BUSINESSES AND THE INABILITY TO EFFECTIVELY MANAGE THE FRAUDSTERS.NOWADAYS
THE
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
LOCAL VENDORS WITH MEDIUM TO SMALL BUDGETS ARE FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO THRIVE
ALONG WITH
 THE ONLINE CORPORATE GIANTS OUT THERE IN THE INDUSTRY.MOST OF THEM ARE FORCED TO SELL THEIR GOODS WITH A THIN MARGIN.
AS A RESULT
, THESE SECTORS ARE GETTING BADLY AFFECTED DAY BY DAY. FOLLOWED BY
THIS
 ARE THE CHALLENGES THAT THE FAKE RACKETS CAUSE THE PEOPLE TO LOSE MONEY VERY OFTEN.
FOR INSTANCE
 ,I HAD A PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WHERE I HAD ORDERED A BRANDED SHIRT BUT WAS CHEATED WITH AN OLD USED DRESS.
TO CONCLUDE
, CHANGE IS SOMETHING INEVITABLE AND SO IS
THIS
 TREND
AS WELL
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.THE ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH THE OTHERS IF IMPLEMENTED WITH PROPER VISION .THE GOVERNMENTS SHOULD MAKE PROPER LAWS TO PROTECT THE COMMON MAN FROM THE BOTH ASPECTS FOR A BETTER ECONOMY .
Submitted by fidhaf0343 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay partially addresses the prompt. It discusses the benefits and drawbacks of online shopping but lacks a clear stance on whether it is a positive or negative development. The conclusion should clearly indicate the writer's opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a somewhat logical structure but lacks coherence in presenting the ideas. The points are not well-connected, and there is a need for better transition between sentences and paragraphs.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: