IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink scientifically proven bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#shops #food #drink #people #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 concurrent world, human
health
Use synonyms
 is an inevitable topic . Few ethnic
group's
Change noun form
groups
show examples
postulate
Change to a plural noun
postulates
show examples
 that the
Use synonyms
shop's
Change the noun form
shops
shop
show examples
 must care about
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not be allowed to buy bad food or drinks .I vehemently accord with the given statement . In
this
Linking Words
 discourse , I will expound my accordance along with credible
example's
Change noun form
examples
show examples
. The chief rationalization for my agreement comes from heterogeneous
point's
Change noun form
points
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
 , the most discernible nub is
pretect
Correct your spelling
protect
 . To be more specific , there are saving the
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 through the
shop
Use synonyms
 . For an instance , they get rid
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 bad food ,
also
Linking Words
 the government made the taxes those who
Correct your spelling
break
brake
breake
Correct your spelling
break
 the low , so it is a considerable way to save the
people
Use synonyms
 and
Correct your spelling
environment
Correct article usage
the envernment
show examples
envernment
Correct your spelling
government
. Another paramount ground for my belief is
Correct pronoun usage
my parent's
show examples
parent's
Fix the agreement mistake
parents'
show examples
 comfort .
In other words
Linking Words
 , when their children go to the
shop
Use synonyms
 the family will be relaxed because
every thing's
Correct your spelling
everything's
show examples
 are useful . In comparison , the
feel
Replace the word
feeling
show examples
 of
father
Add an article
the father
a father
show examples
 in the healthy
shop
Use synonyms
 is much
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 unhealthy
shop
Use synonyms
 . Is there any other
reason
Use synonyms
 behind my agreement ?
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
certainly there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Not addictive , some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 reach the addiction and the main
reason
Use synonyms
 is
Linking Words
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 experience so, it is smart low . these are
somp
Correct your spelling
some
 top-notch
Use synonyms
reason's
Change the noun form
reasons
reason
show examples
 for my agreeing
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the presented argument . To summarize the composition , the essay explicated my accordance with
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 , not only
this
Linking Words
 but it
also
Linking Words
 shed light on
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the reason's
show examples
reason's
Change the noun form
reasons
reason
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 it . So , I fully agree with
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon .
Submitted by khaloudobaid97 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: