IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Do you agree that education will change a criminal?

#education #change
Education
 is the fundamental core of human civilization, it helps
people
 not only gain the essential knowledge but
also
 learn the common rules of the world, Respect for lives, races, and rights do matter.
Education
 can purify the soul of a person,
furthermore
, it can help
criminals
 become better
people
. No one is born to be a criminal, in most cases,
people
 lacking better
education
 or living under unprivileged circumstances at an early age are likely to commit a
crime
. Because they have fewer opportunities to get a decent job to make a living and the worsening financial situation forces them to involve in a
crime
, like a robbery or stealing. Educating
criminals
 in prison will improve their chance to lead a better life after they are released. Educating
criminals
 can help them get requirements and knowledge of some jobs and build their confidence to face the new circumstance, If the government can apply various courses of educational degrees, it will benefit the
criminals
 and decrease the rate of recommitting a
crime
. In the past, prisoners used
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be forced to work, they could not learn anything from those repetitive jobs,
instead
Add a comma
,instead
show examples
 they felt they were treated like slaves which foster their resentment toward society.
On the other hand
, learning a subject in which
people
 have an interest will enrich their lives and make them feel successful. It will encourage more prisoners to study even from the stretch. In conclusion,
education
 is the most efficient option for diverse a person. It will reduce the
crime
 rate.
Submitted by 1967388549 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: