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Band 5

Television has diminished the free time of people. It can make people lazy and not socialize with others. Do you agree or disagree?

#television #time #people
There is no doubt that these days,
TV
 is not
Correct your spelling
popular
popluar
Correct your spelling
popular
theses
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
 days,
as a result
, with
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 people prefer to spend more time on
Add an article
the smartphone
a smartphone
show examples
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 rather than
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 more time on
TV
. The question is,
TV
 could create
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 community lazy and not socialise with others and has diminished the free period of
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
? In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I am going to discuss my pros and cons.
In
Change preposition
On
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 terms of the positive side, several communities prefer
watch
Add the particle
to watch
show examples
television
 rather than go
Correct your spelling
outside
show examples
out side
Correct your spelling
outside
show examples
,
as a result
, it makes them more comfortable and
releax
Correct your spelling
relax
relaxed
. Another thing
Correct pronoun usage
that make
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make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
adults
 people just stay at home and watch
television
, even though, it makes them more safety. The main reason given to support
this
 claim is that
teenagers
 are more
imbreased
Correct your spelling
impressed
 to
adults
 society because they spend
whole
Add an article
the whole
a whole
show examples
day
 at home and
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
TV
.
In other words
, as well as I know the rate of watching
television
 these days are less than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past.
For instance
, the
peporation
Correct your spelling
preparation
proportion
population
 of
adults
Change the noun form
adult
show examples
 people is 83 per cent rather than
teenagers
 are 17 per cent.
Moreover
,
teenagers
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 the highest rate on
spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
whole
Add an article
the whole
show examples
 time on
smartphone
Add an article
the smartphone
a smartphone
show examples
 rather than
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
whole
Add an article
the whole
a whole
show examples
day
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
TV
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
automation made
teenagers
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more
intersting
Correct your spelling
interesting
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
smartphone
Add an article
a smartphone
the smartphone
show examples
,
as a result
, all things on
TV
smartphone
 can do
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
Correct your spelling
performance
performrnce
Correct your spelling
performance
. To sum up, it is evident
between
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 situation
adults
 are
intersting
Correct your spelling
interesting
 to watch
television
 every
day
,
on the other hand
,
teenagers
 prefer to spend
whole
Add an article
the whole
a whole
show examples
day
 on
Add an article
a smartphone
the smartphone
show examples
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 makes them more comfortable. Must
Correct your spelling
ensure
enshure
Correct your spelling
ensure
 steps are taken to prevent
this
 phenomenon from deteriorating future.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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