The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purpose in six areas of the world.

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purpose in six areas of the world.
The charts illustrate the proportions of the different purposes of
water
used in six countries in the world.
Overall
, there are three parts to using drink industrial, agricultural, and domestic. The largest significant segment of using drinks in South America, Africa, Central
Asia
, and South East
Asia
was agriculture.
While
utilizing
water
for all countries the smallest rate was domestic.
It is clear that
water
consumption for industrial only has high numbers of two countries which was North America and Europe at around 13% and 15% perfectively.
Whereas
the lowest industrial for utilizing
water
was in Central Area at about 5%.
In contrast
, Agriculture was a substantially higher proportion of consumption
water
approximately 88% in Central
Asia
. Central
Asia
,
Remove the comma
apply
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and South East
Asia
were the nation that have domestic
water
is
Unnecessary verb
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the least and have the same figure at around 7%.
While
Africa has 9% for domestic use of
water
.
Submitted by IELTS B9 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words water, asia with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.

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