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Band 4

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
Nowadays, with the improvement of
music
 applications, it is easiest for
people
 to listen to
music
. So
this
 leads to more types of
music
such
 as fast and slow, so do a lot of styles of
Add an article
a song
the song
show examples
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
show examples
 like Pop and Rock coming up. There is a logic saying that
music
 guides
people
 from various
age
 groups and diverse cultures
all together
Replace the word
altogether
show examples
. I somewhat disagree with that statement. Most
people
 in the society did not listen to the same category of
music
 in dissimilar
age
 groups and
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 because
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each
age
 group, places emphasis on meaning, feeling and the speed of the
song
.
Example
Change preposition
For example
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 in general if
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a
Correct your spelling
teenager
teenger
Correct your spelling
teenager
, the
song
 that they might listen to is
fast
Add an article
a fast
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 Pop
song
 or
slow
Correct article usage
a slow
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 sad
song
. In
this
 part of
culture
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the culture
a culture
show examples
, it is hard for huge community
people
 to understand the same
culture
.
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
Nethertheless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
, there are many
people
 that are not in the average category because
age
 group and
culture
doesn’t
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don’t
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 dictate who listens to what kind of
music
 and
doesn’t
Correct pronoun usage
who doesn’t
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. More than that it
also
 can not determine that
people
 that listen to that same
music
 but are different can’t meet. As there are many
age
 groups of
culture
 who are addicted to K-pop and they can still gather at the same concerts. Overall,
music
 might not be the best at bringing
people
 of different types together. While at the same time, it is one thing that can be done. I think it’s like
this
 because
people
 of the same
age
 or cultures are likely to get the same experience, which makes listening to
music
 probably in the same style.
Submitted by chompunoot.raj on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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