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Band 5.5

RECRUITING SOLDIERS FOR A SHORT SPAN FOR A BETTER COUNTRY. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

#soldiers #span #country
THERE IS A POPULAR ARGUMENT THAT RECRUITING THE YOUTH
IN
Change preposition
INTO
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 THE MILITARY FOR A SHORT SPAN OF TIME IS GOOD FOR THE NATION.
THIS
 ESSAY DISAGREES WITH
THIS
 ARGUMENT BECAUSE OF THE LONG-TERM IMPACT ON THE CAREER OF THESE PROSPECTS AS WELL AS THE THREATS TO THE NATIONAL SECURITY IT MIGHT COST.
TO BEGIN
 WITH,IN
THIS
 POLICY,THE DISADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH THE ADVANTAGES WHEN THE FUTURE OF THESE YOUNGSTERS ARE LOOKED INTO.THE SMALL PERIOD OF TRAINING, AS WELL AS THE THE JOB IT OFFERS RELATIVELY QUICK, MIGHT SOLVE THE PROBLEM OF UNEMPLOYMENT FOR THE TIME BEING BUT ALL THESE PROBLEMS WOULD ARISE AGAIN WITH MORE SEVERITY ONCE THEY START TO FINISH OFF THEIR CAREER IN THE ARMY.
THUS
,GENERATING THE PEOPLE WHO
LACKS
Change the verb form
LACK
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 DIRECTION TO MOVE
FURTHER
 PROFESSIONALLY.
FOR EXAMPLE
 , A RECENT STUDY CONDUCTED BY THE BY INTERNATIONAL LABOUR ORGANISATION ABOUT COMPULSORY MILITARY SERVICES IN THE WESTERN COUNTRIES HAVE CONCLUDED THAT MORE THAN 70 % OF THE NEW RECRUITS ARE CLUELESS ABOUT WHAT TO DO
NEXT
.
SECONDLY
,THE CHALLENGES S ON THE COUNTRY’S SAFETY SHOULD
ALSO
 BE VERY WELL STUDIED BEFORE TAKING THESE STEPS.IN INDIA ,THESE AGE GROUPS CONSTITUTE A MAJOR SHARE OF THE POPULATION AND TRAINING A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF THEM WITH ARMOURY AND WAR TECHNIQUES IS
ALSO
 A CONCERN.
THEREFORE
 IT IS BETTER TO GO WITH THE TRADITIONAL RECRUITMENT PROCESS RATHER THAN
THIS
 NEW ONE.
FOR INSTANCE
,THE POLITICAL UNREST IN THE MIDDLE EAST COUNTRIES WAS BOOSTED BY THEIR CITIZENS WHO SERVED IN THE ARMY FOR A
SMALL TIME
Correct your spelling
SMALL-TIME
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, WHO EVENTUALLY MANIPULATED MULTIPLE BATTALIONS AND TURNED THE GOVERNMENT UPSIDE DOWN. TO CONCLUDE, IT IS A WISE DECISION TO NOT TO REPLACE THE OLD METHOD OF CHOOSING THE SOLDIERS AS IT OFFERS BETTER LIFE TO THE FUTURE GENERATION AS WELL AS A MORE SECURE NATION
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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