In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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An immensely controversial phenomenon in the contemporary epoch relating to
children
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childhood
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obesity where unhealthy food
is
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apply
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leading to
this
non-communicable disease.In many
nation
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nations
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,
youngstar
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youngsters
youngster
are becoming obese.Some people believe that the state should be reliable.I firmly diverge
the
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from the
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stated notion since the executive
acknowledge
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acknowledges
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threats and advocate health promotion while
parents
play an enormous role in
this
case.
This
discourse will
further
elucidate my assertion in the forthcoming paragraph.
Firstly
,
ministry
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the ministry
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ensure
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ensures
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the
well being
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well-being
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of its folks
such
that if there is any threat from the condition,it
create
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creates
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awareness and implement
effective
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an effective
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solution.
Nevertheless
,apart from encouraging regular and healthy eating habits
as a result
achieving
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of achieving
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minimum requirements,the government has no other role to play.
For example
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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research done by
University
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the University
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of Nairobi depicts that most children in western countries are plump.
Consequently
,the administration has the responsibility to look into
dangers
Correct article usage
the dangers
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of
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
unheathy
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
well
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
although
, very minimal can be achieved without guidance and
Correct your spelling
monitoring
monitering
Correct your spelling
monitoring
of the little ones.
Secondly
,
pivotal
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a pivotal
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factor in the
Correct your spelling
aforementioned
aformentioned
Correct your spelling
aforementioned
preposition is that
parents
are
great
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a great
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source of influence on the
youth
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youth's
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life,despite the state putting
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the measure
a measure
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measure
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measures
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on the dangers
obese
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obesity
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can cause.
Moreover
,
parents
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parents'
parent's
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poor choice of diet for their
kid
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kids
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leads to abnormal sugar
level
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levels
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therefore
, they have a direct impact on improving
child
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child's
show examples
health by choosing healthy eating habits.
For example
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research done by Kenyatta University depicts that 70% of youths live a sedentary lifestyle.
Therefore
,
parents
are the
one
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ones
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who
are
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is
show examples
Correct your spelling
responsible
responsibe
Correct your spelling
responsible
to direct the youths on the right path toward achieving the goal of eradicating the disease among the teenagers. To sum up,
i
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I
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would like to restate my perspective that
cabinet
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the cabinet
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has a duty to curb
obesity
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the obesity
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pandemic,despite the small impact it can make
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
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,
parents
are
Correct your spelling
responsible
resposible
Correct your spelling
responsible
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
their
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
show examples
unhealthy
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
Submitted by Sabina Hamisi on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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