In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility

An immensely controversial phenomenon in the contemporary epoch relating to

children

Replace the word

childhood

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obesity where unhealthy food

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

leading to

this

non-communicable disease.In many

nation

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nations

show examples

youngstar

Correct your spelling

youngsters

youngster

are becoming obese.Some people believe that the state should be reliable.I firmly diverge

the

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from the

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stated notion since the executive

acknowledge

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acknowledges

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threats and advocate health promotion while

parents

play an enormous role in

this

case.

This

discourse will

further

elucidate my assertion in the forthcoming paragraph.

Firstly

ministry

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the ministry

show examples

ensure

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ensures

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the

well being

Add a hyphen

well-being

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of its folks

such

that if there is any threat from the condition,it

create

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creates

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awareness and implement

effective

Add an article

an effective

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solution.

Nevertheless

,apart from encouraging regular and healthy eating habits

as a result

achieving

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of achieving

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minimum requirements,the government has no other role to play.

For example

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

research done by

University

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the University

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of Nairobi depicts that most children in western countries are plump.

Consequently

,the administration has the responsibility to look into

dangers

Correct article usage

the dangers

show examples

Correct your spelling

unhealthy

unheathy

Correct your spelling

unhealthy

well

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

although

, very minimal can be achieved without guidance and

Correct your spelling

monitoring

monitering

Correct your spelling

monitoring

of the little ones.

Secondly

pivotal

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a pivotal

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factor in the

Correct your spelling

aforementioned

aformentioned

Correct your spelling

aforementioned

preposition is that

parents

are

great

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a great

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source of influence on the

youth

Change noun form

youth's

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life,despite the state putting

Add an article

the measure

a measure

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measure

Fix the agreement mistake

measures

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on the dangers

obese

Replace the word

obesity

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can cause.

Moreover

parents

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parents'

parent's

show examples

poor choice of diet for their

kid

Fix the agreement mistake

kids

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leads to abnormal sugar

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

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therefore

, they have a direct impact on improving

child

Change noun form

child's

show examples

health by choosing healthy eating habits.

For example

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

research done by Kenyatta University depicts that 70% of youths live a sedentary lifestyle.

Therefore

parents

are the

one

Correct pronoun usage

ones

show examples

who

are

Change the verb form

show examples

Correct your spelling

responsible

responsibe

Correct your spelling

responsible

to direct the youths on the right path toward achieving the goal of eradicating the disease among the teenagers. To sum up,

Change the capitalization

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would like to restate my perspective that

cabinet

Correct article usage

the cabinet

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has a duty to curb

obesity

Correct article usage

the obesity

show examples

pandemic,despite the small impact it can make

however

Add the comma(s)

,however

show examples

parents

are

Correct your spelling

responsible

resposible

Correct your spelling

responsible

Change preposition

for

show examples

their

kids

Change to a genitive case

kid's

kids'

show examples

unhealthy

condition

Fix the agreement mistake

conditions

show examples

Submitted by Sabina Hamisi on Thu Jun 30 2022

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
46Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

280 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money that they make because of their positive effects on society. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.

Some people think the government funding should not be used for supporting art and culture. Others think supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population and the culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Celebrities are usually famous for glamour and wealth rather than their achievements. Some say taking them as an example can be dangerous for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Students from poor background such as rural areas often find it difficult to access to university education, so people think universities should make it especially easy for them to study at. To what extent do you agree or disagree?