IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that studying online is more effective than studying on campus while others disagree. Discuss both views.

#people #campus
In the past few years, many youngsters
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 more inclined toward studying online rather than attending classes in colleges. There are several reasons why youth tend to follow
this
 option. In
this
 essay, we will discuss both views and give our opinion. There are two primary reasons why studying online is more convenient
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than attending
campus
 it saves time
as well as
 money.
Students
 do not have to travel in order to attend a lecture or tutorial.
For example
, a pupil can simply log in to their
universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
show examples
 website to study.
Secondly
,
students
 can be able to study better as they can record voice or video
while
 studying and they can watch it later at their own pace for better understanding.
However
, there are more essential benefits in
campus
 education that cannot
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
 from e-studies. Unlike self-studies,
students
 would be able to get hands-on experiences in some subjects in universities.
For Instance
, in a subject like chemistry, it is important to do lab exercises to gain more knowledge which would help to understand how chemicals to used and react in different conditions. Another benefit is studying in colleges allows for collaboration between other
students
 which would not
possible
Add a missing verb
be possible
show examples
 to do online. It is irrefutable that an individual should not only learn course materials but
also
 learn how to be a team player as well. Since university education includes project work that should be completed as a team, it helps to improve team player skills.
Therefore
 studying on
campus
 is more efficient
whereas
 it provides more benefits to
students
.
To sum up
, by considering the aforementioned points, I believe that
campus
 learning is more effective as it provides many benefits to youth that can not be obtained
while
 studying alone.
Submitted by niaakash on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Your essay addresses the topic adequately, providing arguments for both views on studying online versus on campus. However, the introduction could be more engaging and structured. Try to present a clear thesis statement that introduces the main points of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion with clear topic sentences and supporting examples for each view. However, work on using transition words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively and improve the logical flow of your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • online education
  • flexibility
  • accessibility
  • enhancing learning experiences
  • online platforms
  • self-discipline
  • motivation
  • structured environments
  • democratize education
  • broader audience
  • social interaction
  • internet connectivity
  • screen fatigue
  • on-campus experiences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: