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Band 4.5

Some people believe that allowing children to male their own choices on everyday matters(such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions
Some
people
 claim that granting
children
 to make their own options in daily life
such
 as
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
, clothes and other activities
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them
to
Change the verb form
apply
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be selfish
people
 who only understand their own wishes.
However
, other
people
 assume that it is essential for
children
 to make
decisions
 about matters that can have
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
 on them. On one hand,
children
 can be unhealthy, stubborn,
over
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apply
show examples
confident and selfish if they are allowed to do everything with their own options.
For instance
, they eat whenever they are hungry even though the foods are not suitable
with
Change preposition
for
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 their health and
unbalanced
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are unbalanced
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 for their meals.
Moreover
, they believe that their choices are always right since they were young.
Subsequently
, they cannot judge what is wrong and what is right because both their eyes and brains are covered with their thoughts. And
then
, they do not accept any suggestions
although
 their parents and teachers
advice
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advise
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 what to do. They only know about their choices
whether
Correct word choice
and whether
show examples
 they can affect
the
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apply
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other
people
 or not.
On the other hand
, teaching
children
 to be independent plays an important role nowadays. Everybody
were
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was
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 born lonely so
that
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apply
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they need to stand on their feet in their lives. Some
children
 are taught to make
decisions
 about every matter.
Consequently
, they are confident enough to face every
problems
Change to a singular noun
problem
show examples
 without fearless.
Moreover
, not only their brains but
also
 their thoughts are intelligent and extended. When their parents leave them or passed away, they will never hesitate to make
decisions
 with their own thoughts. In conclusion,
Correct your spelling
from
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form
Correct your spelling
from
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 my point of view, being
an
Correct article usage
apply
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independent is smarter than
the
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apply
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other
people
. And
then
, paying respect to our choices
of
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apply
show examples
can make us confident. I am the one who is not controlled by my parents since I was young. So, allowing
children
 to make
decisions
 is an awesome way to teach them how to live alone. ​
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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