IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effect on your children. Do you agree or disagree?

#computer #effect #children
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Nowadays, the amount of using computers and technology is more and more increasing.
Furthermore
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, we are
also
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 using it for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education which is called "Online Class" during the COVID-19 situation
that
Correct pronoun usage
we
show examples
 must have a computer, iPad or laptop in almost every class. I totally believe that everything in
this
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world
Use synonyms
 has two sides. I will examine these questions below by considering the obvious agree and disagree in
this
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 way. First and foremost, as, adult we have to tell the kids how it actually works
of using
Change preposition
to use
show examples
 computers and technology, how long it would take in a day and how
properly
Fix the infinitive
to properly
show examples
 use it.
This
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 has three main benefits.
Firstly
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,
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 it for education and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
research because the internet is an enormous
world
Use synonyms
that is
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 a big source of information.
Secondly
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, use it for relaxing by playing games, watching movies and series and doing social media
such
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 as chatting with friends.
Thirdly
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, it makes the
world
Use synonyms
 closer If you have foreign friends or relatives who
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 on the other side of
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this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
world
Use synonyms
. There are some considerable downsides. The main disadvantage is when they
used
Wrong verb form
use
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 it in the wrong way
this
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 will affect younger ones directly.
For instance
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, using a laptop
while
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 studying in class and paying attention to the computer games
instead
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 of the lecturer affects the kids' future careers.
Moreover
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, the social media
world
Use synonyms
 makes people lazier and
avoids
Correct subject-verb agreement
avoid
show examples
seeing people in person or in reality.
For example
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, online shopping decreases the number of customers who go shopping on their own.
Or food
Correct word choice
Food
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 delivery makes our population eat inside more than going out at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 restaurant. In conclusion,
although
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 using computers for studying may benefit children, If we can not control them properly, we have to keep an eye on the kids and teach them how.
Submitted by patty cool on

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task response
Ensure that the response reflects a clear understanding of the prompt and offers a balanced argument with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the use of transition words and coherence devices to create a more coherent flow of ideas and arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cyber safety
  • screen time
  • cognitive development
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • social isolation
  • digital literacy
  • interactive learning
  • virtual communication
  • physical well-being
  • academic performance
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