IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that studying online is more effective than studying on campus while others disagree. Discuss both views.

#people #campus
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In the past few years, many youngsters are inclined towards studying online rather than attending physical
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
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 in colleges. There are several
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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 why youth tend to follow
this
Linking Words
 trend . In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we will discuss both views and give our opinion. There are two primary
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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 why studying online is more convenient rather than attending
campus
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as
Correct word choice
apply
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it saves time and as well as money.
Students
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 do not have to travel in order to attend the lecture or tutorial.
For example
Linking Words
,
pupil
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pupils
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,
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apply
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can simply log in to their universities website to study.
Linking Words
Secondly
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,Secondly
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students
Use synonyms
 can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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record voice or video while studying and they can watch it later at their own pace for better understanding.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
however
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,however
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 there are many essential
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benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
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in
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of
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campus
Use synonyms
 education that cannot get from
from
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apply
show examples
e-studies. Unlike self-studies,
students
Use synonyms
 can get hands-on experiences
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
particular
Add an article
a particular
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subject
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subjects
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such
Linking Words
 as chemistry it is important to do lab
exercise
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exercises
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 to gain more knowledge which would help them to understand how
chemical
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chemicals
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used
Add a missing verb
are used
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 and react in different conditions. Another
benefit
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 is,
studying
Correct word choice
that studying
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 on
campus
Use synonyms
 allows collaboration with other pupils which would not be possible to do online. It is irrefutable that a student should not only learn course materials but
also
Linking Words
 learn how to be a team player as well. Since
universities
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university
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 education includes project work as should be completed as a team, it helps to improve team player skills.
Therefore
Linking Words
, studying on
campus
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 is more efficient as it provides more
Use synonyms
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 to the youth. To
sumup
Correct your spelling
sum up
, by considering the aforementioned points, I believe that
campus
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 learning is more
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benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
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 to the
students
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 which cannot
obtained
Change the verb form
be obtained
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 when studying alone.
Submitted by niaakash on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • online education
  • flexibility
  • accessibility
  • enhancing learning experiences
  • online platforms
  • self-discipline
  • motivation
  • structured environments
  • democratize education
  • broader audience
  • social interaction
  • internet connectivity
  • screen fatigue
  • on-campus experiences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: