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Band 5

It is no longer necessary that animals should be slaughtered and made into either human foodstuffs or non-foodstuffs, such as fur and medicine. Do you agree or disagree?

#animals #foodstuffs #non-foodstuffs #fur #medicine
Some people argue that it is okay to
use
animals
 for human benefits. While
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 believe that exploiting these creatures is not acceptable.
Personally
Add a comma
,Personally
show examples
 I strongly believe that
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of
animals
 for human
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 is completely wrong. Exploiting
animals
 for human
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 is problematic in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 ways:-
Firstly
 some scientific
experiments
to
Change the verb form
using
show examples
use
 animal is completely inhumane. Scientists
use
animals
 as their basic tools for their
experiments
.
Animals
 are subjected to tests that are painful or cause permanent death and
that is
 morally wrong no
matters
Fix the agreement mistake
matter
show examples
 how much
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 are getting benefit from them.
Animals
 do not willingly sacrifice themselves for the advancement of human welfare and new technology. When
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human decide the fate of
animals
 in the research environment the
animals
Change noun form
animal's
animals'
show examples
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
 are taken away from them without
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
second
 thought
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 their quality lives and
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
.
Secondly
 each year many poachers illegally kill these
animals
. Some business owners hire these poachers to kill these
animals
 for the sake of
experiments
 or selling their body parts.
Last
Correct article usage
The last
show examples
 reason is killing
animals
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the purpose will
further
detriotate
Correct your spelling
deteriorate
 our ecosystem without realizing their consequences in the future. I would agree that it is necessary to
use
animals
 when it comes
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 conducting new research about medicine
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
improvements
Replace the word
improve
show examples
 of human health.
Correct your spelling
Nonetheless
Nonethless
Correct your spelling
Nonetheless
 a closer examination shows that some volunteers are happy to experience
experiments
 on them and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
also
 paying for
this
.
This
 makes sense that
alternative
Correct article usage
an alternative
show examples
 method is used to replace utilizing
animals
. In conclusion, it
manifest
Change the verb form
manifests
show examples
 that killing
animals
 is not acceptable and alternative
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 can be
Correct your spelling
identified
indentified
Correct your spelling
identified
.
Submitted by niaakash on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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