Some people think it is a better to leave their home country to improve their work and living opportunities, while others think staying in their own country is a better choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Leaving one’s

country

Use synonyms

is a tough decision to make. Few individuals are in favour of moving out of their homes to experience a more improved

life

Use synonyms

and seek reasonable job

opportunities

Punctuation problem

opportunities,

show examples

while

Linking Words

some are

also

Linking Words

convinced that being in their

country

Use synonyms

is a good path for them. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will discuss the different views

Change preposition

show examples

why it is better to leave the

country

Use synonyms

for growth and

staying

Rephrase

why staying

show examples

is a better choice for others.

Although

Linking Words

Change preposition

from

show examples

my own perspective, considering the job offers abroad is a very good reason to go. The main reason why some of the population decides to settle in other places is because of the upgraded career opportunities, exquisite experiences and the money they are earning doubles what they

are

Wrong verb form

were

show examples

settling

Verb problem

earning

show examples

before.

For instance

Linking Words

, nurses in my

country

Use synonyms

are only getting paid for the very least amount

which

Punctuation problem

, which

show examples

triggered them to move to first-world countries that are paying them ten times more

which

Punctuation problem

, which

show examples

will help them move forward in

life

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

experience will allow them to leave the

country

Use synonyms

since it will be sustaining their needs in the future

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

most of them have families to feed. Clearly, leaving the

country

Use synonyms

is the best choice to make to start a progressive

life

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

, there are

also

Linking Words

individuals who prefer to stay in their birthplaces because of the contentment they are getting and

also

Linking Words

leaving their families is not an option for them.

For example

Linking Words

, some people have businesses that are giving them an income

that is

Linking Words

more than sustainable for their needs, in which they find it irrelevant to leave the

country

Use synonyms

for just monetary reasons.

In addition

Linking Words

few

Correct article usage

a few

show examples

of them

as well

Rephrase

apply

show examples

are hard

workers

Punctuation problem

workers,

show examples

although

Linking Words

not

earning

Wrong verb form

earn

show examples

enough

but

Punctuation problem

, but

show examples

cannot afford to

sacrifice leaving

Wrong verb form

leave

show examples

their families.

Therefore

Linking Words

, staying in their hometowns is healthier for them. In conclusion,

this

Linking Words

essay showed that every individual has different reasons why going abroad and staying in their

towns

Correct word choice

own towns

show examples

is an option for them. In my own opinion, I reckon that moving out of the

country

Use synonyms

is a perfect start for growth, experiencing other cultures and building a

life

Use synonyms

for the future.

estillorericamae

Jul 3, 2022

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task achievement

Try to make your introduction clearer by directly stating your opinion earlier. This helps the reader know your position right away.

coherence and cohesion

Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to make your ideas flow better. This will help connect your points more smoothly.

task achievement

Make sure you explain your points more clearly. Sometimes your ideas jump around a bit, and it’s good to explain why you think a certain way.

task achievement

You provide a balanced view and give reasons for both sides of the argument, which is very good for discussion essays.

task achievement

Your use of examples, like the situation of nurses, effectively supports your argument and adds depth to your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

357 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

professional growth
quality of life
stronger economies
employment opportunities
advancement opportunities
emotional bonds
cultural ties
familiar environment
contributing to
local economy
personal aspirations
cultural identity

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