IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

People who read for pleasure in their free time have a better imagination than those who prefer to watch TV. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Write your response not less than 250 words.

#people #pleasure #time #imagination #tv
Some people think that they can develop their visualising skills by reading in a constraint-free environment; whereas others perceive watching a
TV
 to be a better medium for polishing their abilities. Despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
many, who
uses
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
show examples
TV
 as a way
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 entertainment, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 I strongly recommend that seeing through the
books
 relaxedly can enhance
one
's own imagination
expertise
Correct word choice
and expertise
show examples
 to a great extent. On the
one
 hand,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I agree that reading freely is a way to gain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mastery.
Firstly
, it increases the time span of an eye over the words. So,
one
 can actually refer
it
Change preposition
to it
show examples
 multiple times. Eventually, a dictionary is referred
frequently
Change preposition
to frequently
show examples
 to find out the exact meanings thereby leading to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
an
afficionado
Correct your spelling
aficionado
aficionados
 in the language
Correct your spelling
understanding
undertsanding
Correct your spelling
understanding
.
Secondly
, those who
glances
Change the verb form
glance
show examples
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 reading material
pleasurely
Correct your spelling
pleasantly
pleasure
 gain
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 overall increased patience level in their day-to-day activities.
For instance
, children who follow a habit of
bed-time
Correct your spelling
bedtime
show examples
 stories are witnessed to be
cleverer
Add an article
a cleverer
show examples
 and
positive
Correct quantifier usage
more positive
show examples
thinker
Fix the agreement mistake
thinkers
show examples
 in their approach.
On the other hand
, watching
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
television in free time for longer can prove to be daunting.
One
 issue is,
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 shelf life of any information we see on
TV
 is of perishable nature as it lasts for
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 seconds only as compared to that of
books
. Though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it can be entertaining most of the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
, it actually makes
one
 sit for hours in front of the
TV
 making him the couch potato.
Hence
, that leaves behind
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very little room for the person to think creatively. Another challenge of watching
TV
 is that it brings
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lethargy
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the body and
therefore
 the human brain stop working. In conclusion, the debate will continue between two groups who support reading
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
books
 and watching
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
TV
 as a free time activity. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 seeing through the
books
 is in
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 position to develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dreaming skills than watching television.
Submitted by mamta2310 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: