IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Other people think the government should focus on social services such as health and education programs. Which statement do you agree with? Explain and provide examples to support your opinion

#people #government #focus #services #health #education #programs #support
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There are several opinions about how the government should spend a budget.
For instance
, there are many people supposing that the focus ought to be on social services
such
 as
health
 and
education
 programs. It is agreed that those areas are the most important for the state. The future of the
country
 is strictly
depending
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on the amount and level of the people who live there,
therefore
health
 and
education
 are the key services.
Firstly
, there are no doubts about the
health
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 significance for the increasing population.
For example
, the amount of child death
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dramatically dropped in the 20
centuries
Fix the agreement mistake
century
show examples
, due to fast
science
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
 development and organized medicine organization. It would be impossible to achieve
such
 results without huge investments from the government side.
As a result
, the meaning of the
health
 service is very difficult to underestimate.
Secondly
, modern
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 showed us the importance of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technical progress for the prosperity of society.
For instance
, the economy of the USA
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 the largest all over the world and if we look at the top 100
universities
Change noun form
universities'
show examples
 rating, we will see a lot of American educational institutions. It shows us an almost direct influence of
education
 in the
country
 wealthy. Because of
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
 the investment
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
such
area
Correct article usage
an area
show examples
 is very important. In conclusion, we can see that the focus
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social services
such
 as
health
 and
education
 programs is crucial for the bright future of the
country
.
Therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments should do many things in that direction to achieve great results. I hope that the officials of my
country
 understand
this
 as well.
Submitted by vs on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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