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Band 6

Although the position of women in society today has improved, there is still a great deal of sexual discrimination. Do you agree?

#position #women #society #discrimination
Ostensibly, with the equal right to education and profession, a tremendous increase in the status of female
counterpart
Fix the agreement mistake
counterparts
show examples
 has been easily observed these days.
However
, I totally agree with the notion that
this
 improved position may not be succeeded to remove
gender
 inequality because still
women
 face many problems on
professional
Add an article
a professional
the professional
show examples
 and domestic
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
.
This
 essay will delve deeper into these in the impending paragraphs.
To begin
 with, sexual discrimination has not
easily
Add a missing verb
been easily
show examples
 observed in society
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 at the time of recruitment for
armed
Correct article usage
the armed
show examples
 forces for no reason. Apparently, in many nations,
women
 may be considered weaker than men so they
highly
Add a missing verb
are highly
show examples
 likely
Fix the infinitive
to be
show examples
be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 rejected in
such
recruitment
Correct article usage
a recruitment
show examples
 process. To cite an example, a survey conducted by The Guardian Newspaper in March
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 2015 revealed that because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gender
 inequality, just 2
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
women
Change preposition
of women
show examples
 got selected
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the army in
third world
Add a hyphen
third-world
show examples
 countries.
In addition
, there are very few options available for females to hold
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high posts in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar areas which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 a clear example of bad conditions of
gender
 discrimination.
Further
, on
domestic
Add an article
a domestic
the domestic
show examples
level
, the situation is even worse than the anticipation.
For example
, World
Women
 Care, a department in the UK, mentioned in its annual report in June
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 2016 that 45000 dowry cases had been reported in Asian countries in one year which depicted the worst condition of females in
such
 societies. Because girls who are getting married have to pay a certain amount to
bride's
Correct article usage
the bride's
show examples
 family in order to live a happy life.
Moreover
, even if the working girls are not able to fulfil
needs
Correct article usage
the needs
show examples
 of
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 in-laws, they may face domestic violence. To conclude, it is unequivocal that even after
women
 have participated a lot in society and raised their position, I believe that
gender
 discrimination still follows them not only
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the professional
level
 but
also
 on
domestic
Add an article
a domestic
the domestic
show examples
level
.
Submitted by Mrjit147 on

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