IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Children's educaton is expensive. In some countries the government pays some of or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?

#children #educaton #countries #government #costs
Education
 has been increasing in importance.
Education
 might be expensive in certain countries. I believe it. Every single person needs to be educated.but some of them can't  All benefit from
education
.If the
government
 spent
money
 on their
education
, it would benefit.
such
 as saving
money
 and encouraging the
children
.
Firstly
,
people
 must save
money
 for their future if the
government
 gives sufficient scholarships. It affects
people
's lives.
People
 can easily reach every
school
, even if they are poor. It improves the
education
 system.
This
 improvement increases the percentage of
people
 who have got a certificate.My father hadn't finished
school
 if they were expensive. 
Secondly
, the
government
 should pay some of the cost. It is necessary because it improves
people
's morals.
People
 can afford it if the
government
 does not foot the bill.
In addition
, it's necessary for the improvement of the country.
People
 can be educated and even attend
school
 without free
education
.
Children
 are the future of
this
 country. They represent their country. Their
education
 is essential. My nephew is 10 years old. His family hasn't got enough
money
, but the
government
 pays her
school
 costs so she can go to
school
 and get an
education
.
Thirdly
,
this
 is an advantage due to encouraging
children
 to be educated and increasing concertation.
Furthermore
, they like their jobs so much. They have been closely connected to the
school
.Their curiosity is increasing because of free
education
.
For example
,
children
 have no fee
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 because their
school
 is free. They focus on their
education
 and job improvement.
consequently
Add a comma
,consequently
show examples
education
 expenses  might be  expensive.
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
  must do something  to   preserve   that.it has to be
ensure
Wrong verb form
ensured
show examples
  every single  can  afford to go to
school
  without paying 
Add an article
a fee
the fee
show examples
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
. in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
this
 is
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 advantage for every single 
children
Change to a singular noun
child
show examples
. it will affect  positively  their  life.
for
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
  recently every
sıngle
Correct your spelling
single
 person
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
  to be
literated
Correct your spelling
literate
liberated
. if 
school
 fee is
inaffordable
Correct your spelling
unaffordable
in affordable
affordable
   
children
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
show examples
  attend 
school
 and it 
afffect
Correct your spelling
affect
  negatively  their lifestyle.
Submitted by brsson06 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: