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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

“Prevention is better than cure”. Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree?

#“prevention #cure” #diseases #measures
Productive citizens give lots of benefits to their country. To support
this
, every country allocated
health
Correct article usage
a health
show examples
budget
 for their citizens. There are two ways in which
this
this
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
budget
 can be allocated:
Illness
prevention
 and
Illness
treatment
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will explain why
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
budget
 should be spent on
treatment
instead
 of
prevention
. Funding
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
illness
treatment
 provides more benefits.
To begin
 with, not all
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 can be
pr evented
Correct your spelling
prevented
show examples
, but most of them can be cured. Cancer,
for example
, is known to be undetectable until it has grown.
Cancer
Add an article
A cancer
The cancer
show examples
 cell is a parasite that can be found in most parts of your body, but it is not dangerous until it is activated. To
this
 day, we do not have any knowledge of what
activate
Change the verb form
activates
show examples
 it.
Secondly
, some
diseases
 are a result of an unexpected event.
For instance
,
car
Add an article
a car
show examples
 accident can make a person with a very healthy lifestyle
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
have
severe
Add an article
a severe
show examples
illness
.
On the other hand
, many
people
 believe that preventative measures are useless due to a lot of reasons.
Firstly
, some unhealthy habits are hard to quit. Even
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
tough
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
 cigarette box has a picture of
diseases
 caused by smoking;
people
 keep on doing it anyway. Another example is the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 fast-food consumption despite the healthy diet campaign.
Furthermore
, money spent on preventative measures
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not as targeted
Change preposition
as that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
treatment
.
Budget
Add an article
The budget
show examples
 on
illness
treatment
 will only be spent when
people
 are ill, while
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
show examples
 spent on
prevention
 may result in
people
 having the
diseases
 that were prevented anyway. In conclusion, despite the high cost of treating
diseases
, I strongly believe that the money spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
illness
treatment
 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
use
Replace the word
used
show examples
 than for
prevention
.
Submitted by Another.Amount on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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