IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Fewer young people do farming work in rural areas. Why? Should young people be encouraged to do farming work?

#people #work #areas
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
people
Use synonyms
 assume that there are fewer young generations who live in rural areas to
work
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agriculture than they may be.
This
Linking Words
 is caused by low salaries and the limited sources of materials and following
this
Linking Words
, I believe it is
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
necessity
Replace the word
necessary
show examples
 to encourage them to do farming
work
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, the reasons why not enough adolescents do the farmers’
work
Use synonyms
 are varied.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the foremost factor is due to the small amount of money they receive. Apparently, they can not earn their living
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 those incomes.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are more and more young
people
Use synonyms
 who are inclined to settle down in the urban areas that possess a golden point of occupations
combining
Wrong verb form
combined
show examples
 with foreign industries, which
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher sum of money.
Secondly
Linking Words
, living in the countryside means having less access to the sources of investment in materials than staying in the cities, which is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 immense deterrent of developing
this
Linking Words
 sector.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the young can not afford whatever they want to meet their needs.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is necessary for young
people
Use synonyms
 to be inspired to become farmers. With the non-stop growing process of technologies, they can easily grow the harvest without wasting time and
labors
Fix the agreement mistake
labor
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, strawberries are able to be grown in greenhouses which have
automatically
Replace the word
automatic
show examples
 watering systems.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the government should apply cutting-edge machines so that it will be more appealing for teenagers to serve
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
agriculture
show examples
agricultures
Correct your spelling
agriculture
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 thorough insight into
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 farming
work
Use synonyms
 of them can help boost the position of farmers
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 the number of young
people
Use synonyms
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 farming
work
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the farming
work
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 done less and less by young generations who stay in rural regions.
This
Linking Words
 is owing to the little paid together with restricted resources and the young should be encouraged to do more farming jobs by the authorities so that it can enhance the economic growth of any
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
.
Submitted by domaianh.uliser on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: