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Writing Samples
Band 2

Essay topics: As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#topics #inventions #computer #television #people #activity #effect #health
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Since the arrival of modern technology, electrical devices,
such
Linking Words
 as mobile phones and laptops, become more accessible than previously.
However
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,
such
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 variant has contributed to the
occur
Replace the word
occurrence
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 of multiple civilization
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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, which I believed
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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have posed a significant threat to our
Correct your spelling
species
spieces
Correct your spelling
species
. The most credible academic organization,'The Lancet', has proved the
Correct your spelling
existence
exsistence
Correct your spelling
existence
 of civilised illness.
Those kind
Change the determiner
That kind
Those kinds
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 of diseases
have
Change the verb form
has
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 taken the world, particularly
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 developed countries, by storm since a century ago. Lung cancer, which used to be a rare disease, has been reported as one of the most common
factor
Change to a plural noun
factors
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 of annual fatalities.
Take
Wrong verb form
Taking
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 a deeper look into the phenomenon, scientists and doctors have discovered a stunning fact that the number of patients has been surging along with the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
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 of industrial gas emissions.
Moreover
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, medical
researcher
Fix the agreement mistake
researchers
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 have
also
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 found out that a country's reliability
to
Change preposition
with
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 manufacturers is directing
influencing
Wrong verb form
influences
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 the possibility of gaining respiratory diseases
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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. China, the world's major base of
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
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, owns the highest rate of
lung associated
Add a hyphen
lung-associated
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 diseases.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
Submitted by seanchang04 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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