IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#shops #food #drinks #people’s #health
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It is widely concerned that some proven diets or beverages
Correct pronoun usage
that
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bring about negative effects on
health
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 should be prohibited from selling in shops.In my opinion, I agree with
this
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 statement as the well-being of the population should be prioritized.
To begin
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 with,there are numerous benefits that unhealthy products should be banned from the market.
This
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 means that
this
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 regulation is the initial step to stopping sequential illnesses.
As a result
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,it leads to the improvement of the personal
health
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 of the general public.
For example
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,in general,everyone knows that several diseases may be the result of alcoholic drinking.Numerous people suffer from gastritis,liver diseases,and alcohol addiction.By removing these products from the shelves,the
health
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 consequences should be minimized.
Moreover
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,the burden on the government should be relieved by cutting the costs of treatment for
such
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 diseases.
Therefore
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,it would be beneficial for whole nations
this
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 effective approach.
In addition
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,the method of banning raises public awareness of their consumption behaviour.
In other words
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,
this
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 should be another way to pinpoint what is right for personal fitness.Because of the busy lifestyle,some people may ignore the nutritional details of their intake.
Thus
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,they may take the more convenient
foods
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 rather than the healthy
foods
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.
For instance
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, as the negative impact of unsaturated fat has been confirmed,the containing
foods
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 should not be allowed to sell.
Consequently
Linking Words
,people may be vigilant to gather information about what is good for their
health
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. In conclusion,the limitation of sales in terms of unhealthy
foods
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 or drinks on the market is a crucial pathway to developing the
health
Use synonyms
 literacy of the national population.
Submitted by paisarnsi182 on

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Regulations
  • accountability
  • retailers
  • public health
  • consumer choice
  • diet
  • banning
  • health education
  • awareness campaigns
  • economic impact
  • job losses
  • small businesses
  • complexity
  • beneficial
  • harmful
  • quantity consumed
  • individual health conditions
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