Most people are so selfish that not to attend social entertainment like a national festival. Still, they spend time on entertainment. Give reasons for the above issues and how to solve them.

In
this
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digital era, the majority of people become selfish by not being involved in social entertainment
but
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, but
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they still spend their time on their carnivals.
This
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essay will discuss the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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for
that
Correct determiner usage
these
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issues and the most
optimum
Correct word choice
optimal
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solutions.
Firstly
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, the main reason for
this
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issue is
most
Correct word choice
that most
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of them are isolated in their digital devices, which don't show the value of social carnivals like national and cultural feasts.
For
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example
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example,
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as a trend, most social media shows western cultural festivals and events as an example, including
valentine's
Fix capitalization
Valentine's
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day
Fix capitalization
Day
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, Halloween
day
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apply
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, birthdays, and wedding anniversary celebrations. Most of them celebrate those events and are very reluctant to
involve
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attend
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social feasts.
Furthermore
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, they have a lack of knowledge of history
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for
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, for
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example
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example,
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students and parents do not pay much interest in history
they
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; they
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mainly focus on modern technology.
Besides
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, parents are stuck with a hectic lifestyle
due to
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the
economical
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economic
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crisis, so they do not have
days
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time
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to spend on social festivals
,
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;
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in fact, the value will decline in society.
Further
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, most children spend the day in their exam-oriented education system
,
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;
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therefore
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therefore,
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they do not have time to spend on social fiestas.
Therefore
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as
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, as
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a trend, all the age group shows very poor interest in national fiestas
and
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, and
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they think it is valueless
which
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, which
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shows they are poor in
patriot
Replace the word
patriotism
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and more selfish. As the most optimum solution, the government should be vigilant to consider the importance of the national fiesta and get necessary actions against these issues,
such
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as arranging all island competitions and exhibitions during national celebrations, for illustration, involving school students' in competitions
such
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as a poem, essays, speech, and debate competitions.
Moreover
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, assigning students and parents to enjoy a social feast with peer groups is a duty.
In addition
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to that, advertising the importance of social fiestas through social media and television will motivate and encourage individuals as a whole. When regularly publishing the importance of national days and cultural days as trends community will
attract
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be attracted
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to it.
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Therefore
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Therefore,
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it will build
the patriot
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patriotism
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and
generous
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generosity
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in their morals.
To conclude
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, it is very important to change the current trend of digital isolation and engage people in social entertainment. I strongly believe that the authority should be vigilant to
get
Verb problem
take
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necessary action to encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people to
Verb problem
get involve
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involve
Wrong verb form
involved
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in the national feast rather than
isolated
Verb problem
remaining isolated
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but consider stating your main points more directly. Try to be more specific about the reasons and solutions you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. This will help guide the reader through your logic.
coherence and cohesion
Provide clearer connections between your ideas. Use linking words so that the essay flows better.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your points stronger and more relatable.
task achievement
You have chosen a relevant and interesting topic. This kind of issue is important to discuss in today's world.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good to see.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • selfish
  • attend
  • social
  • entertainment
  • national festival
  • spend time
  • reasons
  • issues
  • solve
  • important
  • community
  • personal
  • comfortable
  • busy
  • commitments
  • public events
  • trend
  • appealing
  • gatherings
  • strangers
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