IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the numbers of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays population growth in some countries goes towards the young generation.
This
Linking Words
 change comes across with benefits including,
promotion
Correct article usage
the promotion
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 of
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
 situation and some drawbacks
such
Linking Words
 as losing the experience of older
people
Use synonyms
 .
To begin
Linking Words
 with, young
people
Use synonyms
 play crucial roles in every
society
Use synonyms
's promotion in various aspects including economic and
health
Use synonyms
 situations. In terms of economics , young generations have better performance in the workforce and their productivity
has
Verb problem
is
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superiority
Replace the word
superior
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 rather the aged persons.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , young adults are more creative when
face
Wrong verb form
faced
show examples
 with problems and find practical solutions for them
thus
Linking Words
 , many companies rather work with young
people
Use synonyms
 . All these reasons can help any
society
Use synonyms
 to economic growth. Considering
health
Use synonyms
 circumstances, the elderly can have numerous
health
Use synonyms
 issues that affect their activities. All these diseases have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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financial effects on governments including
health
Use synonyms
 insurance, producing or importing expensive drugs for specific diseases and high-cost hospital equipment.
In other words
Linking Words
 ,
old
Fix the agreement mistake
older
show examples
 generations are not cost-effective citizens , neither for
Correct article usage
the
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 care system nor for economic conditions. Despite the above arguments, older
people
Use synonyms
 living in the country have their own significance. One supportive statement states that older
people
Use synonyms
 have more experience because of their past
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. A
society
Use synonyms
 with
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 large number of the younger population,
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
 lose older ones’ experiences . In my opinion, their knowledge of solutions might be outdated . As long as we are living in
Correct article usage
a
show examples
technological era it is inevitable a significant part of our life is related to technology those old populations do have not enough experience in
this
Linking Words
 field. On the other side, countries with high young adult populations could have challenges in job sectors. Providing enough positions for all citizens
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
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 come across with a lot of stress and competition . I truly believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 competition could improve
people
Use synonyms
 ’s abilities and improve the condition of
society
Use synonyms
 . In conclusion,

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • population
  • young adults
  • older people
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • economic growth
  • work
  • innovation
  • businesses
  • ideas
  • society
  • perspectives
  • creativity
  • enthusiasm
  • progress
  • technological advancements
  • unemployment
  • jobs
  • social issues
  • crime
  • dissatisfaction
  • services
  • education
  • housing
  • resources
  • health
  • vitality
  • healthcare costs
  • aging population
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