IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people’s ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#mass #media #television #radio #newspapers #influence #people’s
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It is important to consider how much time we
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 daily on entertainment.
While
 some people believe that
mass
media
 can help us in some ways in forming our own
views
, others say that it does not do much. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both sides of the argument,
while
 I support the former opinion. On the one hand, a lot of folks believe that the
media
 does not shape our
views
 and
notion
Fix the agreement mistake
notions
show examples
. The reason for
this
 is that most of what is telecasted across different platforms. To illustrate, newspapers and television, are
just
Rephrase
not just
show examples
views
 but
news
.
For instance
, many of the
news
 channels in my country narrate incidents, be critical or trivial, as if they were storytelling rather than disclosing actual facts and figures, defeating the whole point of communicating the truth.
In contrast
, if the
news
 had been reported
as
Rephrase
apply
show examples
exactly as it was a decade ago,
then
 we would have been exposed to more truths than white lies.
On the other hand
, I would argue that some forms of
mass
media
 can help us in building our own viewpoint.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that a lot of us consume entertainment by means of television or radio, and it exerts, to some extent, some influence on the way we think. To illustrate
this
 point, a child may start to build some
views
 about any trivial matters just by watching and listening to their favourite television show.
Additionally
, any form of
mass
media
 is powerful enough to build or break any notion overnight.
For example
, wrong reporting by a
news
 channel in my country, India, often leads to conflict among different communities. Having looked at both sides, even though most of what we learn from
mass
media
 nowadays are just half-baked stories, it can, patently, influence both the youth and the adult in forming their point of view because most of them resort to
mass
media
 for
news
 and entertainment.
Submitted by utsavchandel26sep on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be more clearly articulated. Make sure to include a clear thesis statement in the introduction and a summary of the main points in the conclusion.
task achievement
The essay presents a complete response to the question, but it could benefit from more comprehensive and clearly articulated ideas. Provide more specific examples to support the arguments and ensure that they are relevant to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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