The pie charts show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

The pie charts give information about the percentage of virtual sales for travel,

film

music

, books, and

clothes

sections in one specific country in two different years (2003- 2013). First of all, in 2003, the data shows that people spend 36%

for

Change preposition

show examples

the sake of travelling. After travelling, 64% of the sales for the other three categories. Which are

film

music

, nooks and

clothes

. These three sectors share almost the same percentage between 24%, 21%, and 19%. In 2013, the data provide a significant increase in

film

music

reaching 33%.

On the other hand

, the data shows a clear decline in the travel sector reaching 29%. For the purchase of online books, the information provided remains steady between 19% and 22%.

However

, the

clothes

section presents a remarkable decline in 2013 that reaches 16%

while

it was in 2003

about

Change preposition

at about

show examples

24%.

Overall

, Travel,

film

music

, and

clothes

branches show a significant change

while

only books sales remain steady in both years.

Submitted by Asbab15 on Mon Jul 11 2022

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words film, music, clothes with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "provide" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.

▼

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

157 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Comparative analysis
E-commerce
Retail sectors
Growth rate
Decade
Decline
Trends
Online transactions
Consumer behavior
Market share
Significant increase/decrease
Digital era
Accessibility
User-friendly platform
Market dynamics
Predictive outlook

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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching younger children) To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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