The pie charts show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

#show #sales #sectors #zealand

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The pie charts give information about the percentage of virtual sales for travel,

film

Use synonyms

music

Use synonyms

, books, and

clothes

Use synonyms

sections in one specific country in two different years (2003- 2013). First of all, in 2003, the data shows that people spend 36%

for

Change preposition

show examples

the sake of travelling. After travelling, 64% of the sales for the other three categories. Which are

film

Use synonyms

music

Use synonyms

, nooks and

clothes

Use synonyms

. These three sectors share almost the same percentage between 24%, 21%, and 19%. In 2013, the data provide a significant increase in

film

Use synonyms

music

Use synonyms

reaching 33%.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, the data shows a clear decline in the travel sector reaching 29%. For the purchase of online books, the information provided remains steady between 19% and 22%.

However

Linking Words

, the

clothes

Use synonyms

section presents a remarkable decline in 2013 that reaches 16%

while

Linking Words

it was in 2003

about

Change preposition

at about

show examples

24%.

Overall

Linking Words

, Travel,

film

Use synonyms

music

Use synonyms

, and

clothes

Use synonyms

branches show a significant change

while

Linking Words

only books sales remain steady in both years.

Submitted by Asbab15 on Mon Jul 11 2022

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words film, music, clothes with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "provide" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.

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4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

157 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Comparative analysis
E-commerce
Retail sectors
Growth rate
Decade
Decline
Trends
Online transactions
Consumer behavior
Market share
Significant increase/decrease
Digital era
Accessibility
User-friendly platform
Market dynamics
Predictive outlook

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The pie charts show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

In many countries, it is very easy to apply for and be given a credit card. However, this causes some people to have problems with debts they cannot pay back. Do you think the advantages of credit cards outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

It is better to buy just a few expensive clothes, rather than lots of cheaper clothes. Do you agree or disagree?

It is important for children to learn what is right and what is wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn the distinction. To what extent do you agree? What sort of punishment should be given?

In many countries, an increasing crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in Computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?