IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier stage. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #stage
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Most
of
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apply
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countries
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the countries
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 set
retirement
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 age based on scientific
researches
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research
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.
Therefore
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,
retirement
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 age (e.g. 65 years) for
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everybody
everbody
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everybody
 is suited to their mentally and physically. But I believe that certain workers who are working in
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difficult
diffucult
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difficult
 situations can be received a
pension
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 at an earlier stage. Because the working
condition
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 is one of the main factors which are affected to human health and ages.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
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 who are working in hard and harmful
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condition
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conditions
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 for
long
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a long
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 time, their health is getting
bad
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worse
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 year by year and they can't live longer than
people
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 who are working in normal working
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condition
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conditions
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. So, 65 years is not suitable for
people
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 who work in hard
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condition
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conditions
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 and those
people
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 have to
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receive
recieve
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receive
 a
pension
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little
litle
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a litle
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bir
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bit
 earlier than ordinary
people
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. If those
people
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 don't have a chance to
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receive
recieve
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receive
 their
pension
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earier
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earlier
, they won't get retired and
pension
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 even
they
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if they
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 paid social insurance tax during their whole life.
Finally
Linking Words
, every country has to take proper policy on
retirement
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 and set
retirement
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 ages based on the working
condition
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 in order to establish
fair
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a fair
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 system for
retirement
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.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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