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Band 2.5

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier stage. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #stage
Most
of
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apply
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countries
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the countries
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 set
retirement
 age based on scientific
researches
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research
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.
Therefore
,
retirement
 age (e.g. 65 years) for
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everybody
everbody
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everybody
 is suited to their mentally and physically. But I believe that certain workers who are working in
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difficult
diffucult
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difficult
 situations can be received a
pension
 at an earlier stage. Because the working
condition
 is one of the main factors which are affected to human health and ages.
For example
,
people
 who are working in hard and harmful
condition
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conditions
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 for
long
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a long
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 time, their health is getting
bad
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worse
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 year by year and they can't live longer than
people
 who are working in normal working
condition
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conditions
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. So, 65 years is not suitable for
people
 who work in hard
condition
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conditions
show examples
 and those
people
 have to
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receive
recieve
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receive
 a
pension
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little
litle
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a litle
show examples
bir
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bit
 earlier than ordinary
people
. If those
people
 don't have a chance to
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receive
recieve
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receive
 their
pension
earier
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earlier
, they won't get retired and
pension
 even
they
Correct word choice
if they
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 paid social insurance tax during their whole life.
Finally
, every country has to take proper policy on
retirement
 and set
retirement
 ages based on the working
condition
 in order to establish
fair
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a fair
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 system for
retirement
.
Submitted by e_ingad on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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