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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that education standards have declined in recent times, particularly in the areas of literacy and numeracy. Discuss the causes of this problem and offer some possible solutions to it.

in the modern era, most
of
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apply
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people
Add an article
the people
show examples
Correct your spelling
believe
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belive
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believe
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 that education standards have declined,
such
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 as in the area of literacy and numeracy. It
happen
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happens
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 because in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent times
the
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apply
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technology
Use synonyms
 has grown rapidly and it makes there are
Correct your spelling
a lot
alot
Correct your spelling
lot
 of obstacles to
concetrate
Correct your spelling
concentrate
. In
this
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essay
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,essay
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 I will discuss the problems and the solutions in
way
Add an article
a way
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 to increase the standards of education. There is no doubt that
technology
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 has become
growth
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growing
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,
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furthermore
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,furthermore
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 the
technology
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also
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 become easier to access.
For
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example
Add a comma
,example
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 the Internet and
the
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apply
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smartphones, where it become primarily
needs
Wrong verb form
needed
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. Either old people or young people can't live without the Internet and
smarphones
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smartphones
,
such
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 as the employees and the
students
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. In
many
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any
show examples
case
Change to a plural noun
cases
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, the system of education
force
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forced
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 the
students
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 to have smartphones,
moreover
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, during the covid 19, where there is no offline
class
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. In some countries,
for example
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 in Indonesia, before the pandemic has come nore all the
students
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 have smartphones. But the condition force the parents to
bought
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buy
show examples
 a smartphone for their
Correct your spelling
children
children's
childrents
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children
, if not it will impact the children
where
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who
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 can't
following
Wrong verb form
follow
show examples
 the online
class
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. Following the
grown
Replace the word
growth
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
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, it makes
study
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 become easier because the source of the
literatures
Change the wording
literature
kinds of literature
pieces of literature
works of literature
show examples
are
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is
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 unlimited. At the same time, the
students
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 not only use their phones to
study
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 and get
in
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to
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class
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,
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apply
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 but
also
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play
Fix the infinitive
to play
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 a
game
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 using their phones.
Additionally
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, the growth of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
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also
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 makes a
game
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 can be downloaded easily.
This
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game
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 is so refreshing, but without limits of
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 it can be
the
Correct article usage
an
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obstacles
Fix the agreement mistake
obstacle
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 for
students
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 to
study
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.
This
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 is the problem why in recent days, the standard of
technology
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was decrease
Change the verb form
was decreased
was decreasing
show examples
 gradually. In
Correct your spelling
conclusion
conclussion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
Use synonyms
 helps the
students
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 to
study
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, even in
Correct article usage
a pandemic
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pandemic
Fix the agreement mistake
pandemics
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where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 there is no
class
Use synonyms
 in school. But following the
grown
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 of the
Correct your spelling
technology
techonolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
, a
game
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 become easier to access.
This
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 is the problem
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because the
students
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 have a lot of obstacles to
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrating
show examples
.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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