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Band 5

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g., film stars rock musicians or sports stars) are paying too much money. What extent do you agree?

#people #entertainers #e #g #film #stars #rock #musicians #sports #money
Nowadays, there is a belief among the members of society that the amount of work should be the main factor that correlates with one's salary. Within
this
 belief, many contend that
huge
Correct article usage
the huge
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 pile of money received by
likes
Correct article usage
the likes
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 of film actors and actresses, musicians and athletes is increasing economical unfairness in
community
Correct article usage
the community
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. In
this
 essay, I will explain why I disagree with
this
Correct determiner usage
the
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 opinion that entertainers should not make considerable money for their effort. Many subscribe
a
Change preposition
to a
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negative view toward the income of those who earn their living by activities that
designed
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are designed
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 to fill the leisure time of others, as inequivalent to the efforts being made by them. They are paid a fortune for a limited time while a hard-working individual may not earn a portion of their salary for a long time.
For instance
, Lebron James, who is a high-profile basketball player, receive hundreds of millions of dollars annually for playing just twice a week in NBA tournament whereas he earns even more from advertising and sponsorship. It can present a sign of injustice for people who are
struggle
Replace the word
struggling
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 for a reasonable paycheck.
However
, I feel that it is a misleading opinion and they indeed deserve what they are being paid.
Firstly
, it should be considered that entertainers mostly perform under intense pressure and showed considerable dedication to obtain
Add an article
a high
the high
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high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
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result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
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. A movie actor or actress,
for example
,
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 a role in which they have to stay in character and memorize the
dialogs
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dialogues
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 of the character for months
,
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apply
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 so that it could lead to
an
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apply
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acceptable performance. Those with 9-5 jobs needn’t have to experience
this
 level of hardship in their jobs in order to get paid.
Thus
, their handsome paychecks are suited
their
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to their
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 effort.
Moreover
,
Correct article usage
a stars
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stars
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stars'
star's
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 career usually come
into
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to
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 an end once the
first
 sign of
aging
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ageing
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appear
Change the verb form
appears
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 in their performance. Regardless of the level of their physical capability, athletes
often
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are often
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 replaced by their younger substitutes when they pass a certain threshold. Michel Jordan, who is a six-time champion of NBA competitions, was not able to extend his contract with his former team as soon as he reached 40 years old.
Therefore
, their income
designed
Add a missing verb
was designed
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 so that it could compensate for when they retired or be unable to find a job. In conclusion,
although
 it may seem that stars are overpaid respective to their working hours, there are other factors to consider that can justify their level of income.
Submitted by sajadtorab on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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