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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g., film stars rock musicians or sports stars) are paying too much money. What extent do you agree?

#people #entertainers #e #g #film #stars #rock #musicians #sports #money
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Nowadays, there is a belief among the members of society that the amount of work should be the main factor that correlates with one's salary. Within
this
Linking Words
 belief, many contend that
huge
Correct article usage
the huge
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 pile of money received by
likes
Correct article usage
the likes
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 of film actors and actresses, musicians and athletes is increasing economical unfairness in
community
Correct article usage
the community
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain why I disagree with
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
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 opinion that entertainers should not make considerable money for their effort. Many subscribe
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
negative view toward the income of those who earn their living by activities that
designed
Add a missing verb
are designed
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 to fill the leisure time of others, as inequivalent to the efforts being made by them. They are paid a fortune for a limited time while a hard-working individual may not earn a portion of their salary for a long time.
For instance
Linking Words
, Lebron James, who is a high-profile basketball player, receive hundreds of millions of dollars annually for playing just twice a week in NBA tournament whereas he earns even more from advertising and sponsorship. It can present a sign of injustice for people who are
struggle
Replace the word
struggling
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 for a reasonable paycheck.
However
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, I feel that it is a misleading opinion and they indeed deserve what they are being paid.
Firstly
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, it should be considered that entertainers mostly perform under intense pressure and showed considerable dedication to obtain
Add an article
a high
the high
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high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
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result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
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. A movie actor or actress,
for example
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,
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 a role in which they have to stay in character and memorize the
dialogs
Change the spelling
dialogues
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 of the character for months
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 so that it could lead to
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
acceptable performance. Those with 9-5 jobs needn’t have to experience
this
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 level of hardship in their jobs in order to get paid.
Thus
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, their handsome paychecks are suited
their
Change preposition
to their
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 effort.
Moreover
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,
Correct article usage
a stars
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stars
Change noun form
stars'
star's
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 career usually come
into
Change preposition
to
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 an end once the
first
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 sign of
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
appear
Change the verb form
appears
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 in their performance. Regardless of the level of their physical capability, athletes
often
Add a missing verb
are often
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 replaced by their younger substitutes when they pass a certain threshold. Michel Jordan, who is a six-time champion of NBA competitions, was not able to extend his contract with his former team as soon as he reached 40 years old.
Therefore
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, their income
designed
Add a missing verb
was designed
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 so that it could compensate for when they retired or be unable to find a job. In conclusion,
although
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 it may seem that stars are overpaid respective to their working hours, there are other factors to consider that can justify their level of income.
Submitted by sajadtorab on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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