IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Nowadays people are spending more time in workplace and staying away from home for work. Discuss its advantage and disadvantages?

#people #time #workplace #home #work #advantage
Due to technological development,
people
 tend to spend more
time
 in the workplace. I think
this
 phenomenon has some advantages and disadvantages; my reasons will be explained in the following paragraphs.
First
, it's detrimental to our health. Take China as an example. The trend of working from 9 am to 9 pm for 6 days is prevailing in China; there is fierce competition, and
people
 are extremely tired. Under
this
 condition, many workers have illnesses,
such
 as lumbago and spine issues. It has been often reported that many have considered suicide due to a heavy workload, or many employees died suddenly because they couldn't withstand the high pressure at the workplace. It can be said that a prolonged working
time
 can harm employees physically and mentally.
Second
, it influences the country's birth rate to a large extent. It's commonplace that when employees finish
work
 and go back after 10 hours of
work
, they don't have any surplus energy to bear
children
.
Besides
, many young
people
 consider
children
 are nothing more than a burden. Because when they have kids, they need to spend countless
time
 taking after their kids;
however
, on account of a prolonged working
time
, their jobs don't allow them to look after their
children
.
As a result
, many have forsaken the thought of having
children
. It's worth mentioning that the group of bachelors is snowballing worldwide;
such
 a situation is a by-product of an increased working
time
.
On the other hand
, if
people
 can
work
 longer, it is advantageous to the country's development.
For example
, because everyone has to
work
 longer, the company can better improve. As a consequence, if hundreds and thousands of companies have improved, they can better propel the improvement of the country. In conclusion, I would say the disadvantages of a prolonged working
time
 outstrip its advantages.
Submitted by junyiwu029 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: