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Band 5

In many countries, few younger generation is attending for musical concerts and theaters physically. Why ? Should we encourage to attend more ?

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Introduction
Most of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nations, Physical participation has been reduced in musical concerts and theatres amount the youth. There are various factors behind
this
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
 as resources and availability of certain
time
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will give
solution
Correct article usage
a solution
show examples
 to why
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 needed to encourage our younger generation to participate more physically.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, during the past decade, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Add an article
the people
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 didn'
t
Use synonyms
 have access to watch
such
Linking Words
 musical concerts and
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
show examples
. So eventually those
people
Use synonyms
 have to attend physically
such
Linking Words
events
Use synonyms
. With the technology development, there are many flat-form to see
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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 of
events
Use synonyms
for example
Linking Words
 YouTube,
Nefilix
Correct your spelling
Netflix
, Spotify etc. So they can
can
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
get experience without participating
those
Change preposition
in those
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events
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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 to that, most
of
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apply
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youth
Add an article
the youth
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 consider
there
Replace the word
their
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 career development rather than attend these
events
Use synonyms
. So
that
Correct word choice
apply
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those
people
Use synonyms
 couldn'
t
Use synonyms
Change the verb form
be allocated
show examples
allocated
Wrong verb form
allocate
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 their
time
Use synonyms
 to attend
such
Linking Words
 shows.
For instance
Linking Words
, wold biggest festival is Tomorrowland which
conducted
Add a missing verb
is conducted
show examples
 once a year in
certain
Add an article
a certain
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 location. Some of the younger
generation
Change to a plural noun
generations
show examples
 couldn'
t
Use synonyms
 travel or allocated
there
Correct your spelling
their
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time
Use synonyms
 who wish to watch
on-line
Correct your spelling
online
show examples
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who wish to watch
such
Linking Words
 shows , eventually select the most preferable way because of resources and
time
Use synonyms
 allocation.
Body paragraph 2
In
Change preposition
On
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 the other hand, Considering the reasons
affect
Correct pronoun usage
that affect
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
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the participation
of
Change preposition
in
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 shows, it is needed to encourage them to attend physically.
For instance
Linking Words
, when we
at
Add a missing verb
are at
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 a live program, we can feel the vibe.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
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 there won'
t
Use synonyms
 be any distractions during the shows and enjoy it while watching
such
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events
Use synonyms
. It would be beneficial for those who like to mind relax.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is undeniable fact that the younger generation is not influenced to gather musical
events
Use synonyms
 and
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
physically due to the resources and availability of
time
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should
encouraged
Change the verb form
be encouraged
show examples
 to attend these
events
Use synonyms
 physically to get
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 experience.

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Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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