IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some argue younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while others think this is a good idea. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#argue #people #positions #government #idea
A few
people
 are arguing that about young
people
 are applicable for main places in the government or not.It is often a subject of debate whether who is the best person to get the place.The following essay will explore the topic from both perspectives and justify why
the the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 are arguing about that.
Firstly
, young
people
 have more ideas and creative stills than senior
people
, they are
are
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
skilled in using technology and they
also
 can find a comfortable way to help their work. The pros of young
people
 are powerful, energetic,
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
expert in technology and etc... The thinking of young men
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 different
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 senior
people
, while they can surprise us all the time. Some
people
 think young
people
 are not suitable for important positions in the government. There are some problems young
people
 might have.
For example
 , their communicative ability
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not as well as senior
people
, they are not stable enough, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
people
 are conceited, and more problems. In fact, we have an increasing number of young
people
 who want to get
an important positions
Correct the article-noun agreement
an important position
important positions
show examples
 in the government which was cutthroat.
However
, I think they can do well with their job
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if their ability is recognized by everyone. They can use their strong point
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 work.
Submitted by gac7077 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: