IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The unpaid community services (such as teaching children sports or working for the charity) should be made a necessary part in college programs. To what extent do you agree?

#community #services #children #sports #charity #part #college #programs
It is a belief that
volunteer
work
 should be a mandatory syllabus in the university degree because it would not only beneficial to the
student
, but
also
 to
society
.
Therefore
, I have a high opinion of the same.
To begin
 with, the benefit to the
student
 from the unpaid service. A hands-on
experience
 can be considered a primary advantage. Being a
student
, it is hard for them to get hands-on real market
experience
 because of their tight schedule for study and no past
experience
.
This
 is where
volunteer
work
 can be fruitful as it neither requires a long time of
work
 dedication
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 nor any existing skill. Being a helping hand without any financial expectation,
moreover
, could be helpful to the community. The poor
people
, who do not have money to pay for the facility, could be supported by the volunteers.
For instance
, in 2019, the majority of
people
 were infected with
COVID-19
Correct article usage
the COVID-19
show examples
 virus in India.
In
Change preposition
During
show examples
such
 time, the medical students of J. N. Medical College took the
Correct your spelling
initiative
intiative
Correct your spelling
initiative
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and started
volunteer
 treatment for the beggars who cannot afford
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
high medical charges.
This
 way, defining a mandatory part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 college study can increase
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of volunteers and can make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 stronger.
On the other hand
, if there is not any unpaid
commuity
Correct your spelling
community
work
 involved in the university study, the freshers would require to face a hard time to get hired from the company due to they do not have market
Correct your spelling
experience
expierence
Correct your spelling
experience
 as generally, the employer is looking for an experienced candidate.
The
Correct article usage
Society
show examples
society
,
additionally
, will suffer as the needy
people
 will not get any attention to their basic needs because they do not have money to spend and no
volunteer
 is available. In conclusion, the community as well as the graduate
student
 need unpaid service to be included through the mandatory college course for the sake of their own benefits,
such
 as a
work
experience
 for
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
, and
Correct your spelling
receiving
recieving
Correct your spelling
receiving
 support for the poor
people
 of the
society
 and
that is
 why I am in the support of
this
 view.
Submitted by Ishaan433 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: