IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

A person's health is their own responsibility rather than the government's responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In
this
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 era, a healthy lifestyle for an individual becomes very tough, and many believe that an individual is responsible for their fitness and it's not the responsibility of the
government
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 to keep their citizens healthy .
However
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, I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement and I think that because of some
government
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 jobs
people
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 are not giving enough
time
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 to their
health
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, whereas a healthy
citizen
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 can
also
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 help to improve the economy.
Firstly
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, these days
government
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 jobs are becoming more and more hectic and because of that a
person
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 doesn't have any
time
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 for his
health
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 or any physical activity,
however
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, it may cause obesity and other heart diseases, because of lack of
time
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 an individual is
also
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 eating unhealthy fast food to save some
time
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,
for example
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, In Mumbai, majority of
people
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 eat street food in their lunch to save some
time
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 and money. These bad-eating habits are very harmful, and
government
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 should reduce some working hours of an employee.
Secondly
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, a healthy
citizen
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 is always a happy
citizen
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, if a
government
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 will concentrate on the
health
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 of its
people
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, these
people
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 may help the
government
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 in the economy of the country. Research has shown that a healthy
person
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 is more organised and punctual as compared to an unhealthy
person
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, a healthy employee will work more efficiently in their office and
this
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 will generate more revenue for the
government
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, and help a nation for their economy. If the
government
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 will reduce working hours and propagate the importance of healthy living, a
citizen
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 will become more motivated toward their
health
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 and use their leisure
time
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 for some physical activity and healthy eating. To conclude, living a healthy life is not only a responsibility of an individual but, it's
also
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 a responsibility of the
government
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 as well, and I recommend that
government
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 should reduce working hours so that a
person
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 could dedicate some
time
Use synonyms
 to his
health
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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