IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, an increasing number of people with health problems are using alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their normal doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
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Nowadays, a growing number of
people
Use synonyms
 who are suffering from diseases and health issues, tend to use
alternative
Use synonyms
 remedies rather than going to hospitals. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is a negative trend as it likely going to
disaster
Replace the word
disastrous
show examples
 consequences.
Firstly
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, an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
tend to find natural and home treatments, so it would get worsen the level of the disorder. Many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
alternative
Use synonyms
 medicines are not suitable for chronic diseases,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
disc
Fix the agreement mistake
discs
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, so when these self-
drived
Correct your spelling
drive
driven
 cures
used
Add a missing verb
are used
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 in
wrong
Add an article
the wrong
a wrong
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 way it may
lessens
Change the verb form
lessen
show examples
pain
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
short-term
Correct your spelling
short term
show examples
 but it deteriorate
condition
Correct article usage
the condition
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 in the
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
.
For example
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, if you use
placebo
Add an article
a placebo
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 to diminish the
pain
Use synonyms
 in your neck,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it might not be a simple
pain
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, maybe it is cervical
disc's
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disc
show examples
pain
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
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, when
people
Use synonyms
 start using
alternative
Use synonyms
 medicines that have never been studied in
liboratory
Correct your spelling
laboratory
 under
supervision
Correct article usage
the supervision
show examples
 of
profesionalists
Correct your spelling
professionalism
professionalises
, they unconsciously are going to believe in superstitions and
also
Linking Words
 they spread these thoughts to the
people
Use synonyms
 around them,
therefore
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, healthcare development will have deprived by
widespreading
Correct your spelling
widespread
 unhealthy home treatments.
For instance
Linking Words
, if someone who has cancer
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
alternative
Use synonyms
 remedies
instead
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 of visiting
doctor
Correct article usage
a doctor
show examples
, the science about types and levels of cancer
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not going to investigating and it will not get progress in finding a cure for cancer. In conclusion, considering the negative aspects of using
alternative
Use synonyms
 remedies, I believe it can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
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 to
catastrophice
Correct your spelling
catastrophic
catastrophe
Correct your spelling
consequences
conceguences
Correct your spelling
consequences
, not only for
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
 health but
also
Linking Words
 for science progressing.
Submitted by parimelik on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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