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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Young people committing crimes should be treated the same as adults by the authorities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults #authorities
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It is argued that teenagers should be punished
similarly
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as
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to
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adults
Use synonyms
 by the law if they commit crimes. From my perspective, I completely disagree with
this
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 statement and the following essay is going to illustrate the reasons. There are some reasons to explain why I do not think that it is proper to treat young
people
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 as
adults
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.
To begin
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 with, teenagers have not developed comprehensively both mentally and physically.
Therefore
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, if they acquire severe treatments, they might not endure those punishments and
result
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resulting
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 in serious consequences in terms of their minds and bodies.
Furthermore
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, it is undoubted that adolescents do not possess enough judgement to identify which behaviour is right or wrong.
As a result
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, they are easily manipulated by others to participate in some illegal events. In
this
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 circumstance, a light warning will be a precious deterrence to young
people
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 to commit crimes again.
Instead
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 of serious treatments the same as
adults
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, I believe that rehabilitation is more significant to younger generations due to various reasons.
First
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 of all, education plays a vital role to assist
people
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 to cultivate an appropriate personality
in
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at
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their
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an
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 early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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. Rehabilitation allows young criminals to understand the reason why they should not break the law rather than pure punishments.
Secondly
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, the expenditure spent on prison is far more expensive than spent on rehabilitation.
Hence
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, the government can allocate more money to
other area
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another area
other areas
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 that can benefit the whole
pubic
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public
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. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 argue that adolescents should be considered the same as
adults
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, I believe they should be treated differently because of immature minds, bodies, and behaviours.
Submitted by wanchu.nien on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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