Some people believe that money is the major source of happiness. Do you agree or disagree.

#people #money #source #happiness

In the contemporary epoch,

whlist

Correct your spelling

whilst

proponents hold the view that doing only things that they are familiar with, opponents and I have

Correct your spelling

a diverse

diverse

adiverse

Correct your spelling

diverse

view

Fix the agreement mistake

views

show examples

However

, my contention will be

farther

Correct your spelling

further

show examples

explained. On the one hand, trying new

foods

or visiting new places sounds very enjoyable.

For example

, some

people

spend their vacation in a different country every year, They think discovering new places and new cultures

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

enjoyable.

Also

Add a comma

,Also

show examples

they do not hesitate to try unique

foods

like rabbit leg or duck. They say that these kind of

foods

are interesting and extends my knowledge.

On the other hand

, some

people

especially those who have different kinds of preferences do not prefer to go to new places and try new

foods

. They feel safe when they repeat the action that they always like. In

this

behaviour, there is no chance to dislike.

For example

, some

people

make reservations in the same hotel that they had stayed in every year. They say that we do not want to take the risk of dissatisfaction with the new one.

Also

, some

foods

do not fit everyone in different aspects. Some

people

suffer from food allergies and high blood pressure. Because of ,

this

they feel confident when they stick with the same diet. In conclusion, after the essay has manifested the

above mentioned

Add a hyphen

above-mentioned

show examples

points, it can be reiterated that trying to do new things is quite enjoyable.

Therefore

, it is believed that everyone

Change the verb form

has

show examples

have

Add the particle

tohave

show examples

try

Wrong verb form

tried

show examples

new things to

everytime

Replace the word

every time

show examples

find

Change the verb form

finds

show examples

a chance to do them.

Submitted by musab.private92 on Sun Jul 17 2022

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

252 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that money is the major source of happiness. Do you agree or disagree.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

The best way for a government to prepare for the future is to invest in young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Modern children are suffering from the disease that were once considered to be meant for adult only obesity is a major disease prevalent among children what are its causes and what solutions can be offered.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

First impressions are highly important. So, some people think that doing well in interviews is the key to securing a good job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?