IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people argue that it is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals.

Nowadays, there are usually some rights that restrict working in
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 and are replaced with youth, especially the industries but
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 of retirement is different in every country. I totally agree with the issue. When we become elderly some
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
show examples
 are decreased
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 strength body and some skills are restricted and
this
Linking Words
 is a fact that we must accept, so elderly workers are not as much as strong young people, that the
company
Use synonyms
 needs .
Usually
Add a comma
,Usually
show examples
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 time is lost working by one and
chance
Correct article usage
the chance
show examples
 of mistakes due to
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 may increase and affect productivity in every
company
Use synonyms
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
that
Correct word choice
since
show examples
 the meaning of
workers
Change noun form
workers'
worker's
show examples
 age
be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 high. On the one hand, the young generation needs
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
 married and
forming
Wrong verb form
form
show examples
 a family ,
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add the comma(s)
,hand
show examples
 every
company
Use synonyms
 think about more profit and trying to have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
fewer employees, for
this
Linking Words
reason
Add the comma(s)
,reason
show examples
 they should retire elderly to have vacancies to recruit youth.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 the young people have more motivation than
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 and think about their promotion so , they usually work better .
Finally
Linking Words
, I believe,that every employee after working around 20 to 30 years ,should retire and
instead
Linking Words
 of them ,be used youth because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they need jobs for making future and so increase
productivity
Add an article
the productivity
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 .

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • experienced
  • old workers
  • young
  • inexperienced
  • replace
  • industry
  • wise
  • argue
  • valuable
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • loss of expertise
  • lack
  • necessary
  • experience
  • maturity
  • diverse
  • workforce
  • mix
  • age groups
  • beneficial
  • focus
  • providing opportunities
  • continuous learning
  • development
  • balanced approach
  • smooth transition
  • maintain productivity
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