IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, more and more older people compete with younger people for the same jobs. What can be reason for this? what would you suggest as a solution?

#people #jobs #reason
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Nowadays
in
Change preposition
on
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majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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occasions
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of occasions
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, individuals are working in the same job despite
of
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apply
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their
age
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 or gender.
This
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 essay argues about
causes
Correct article usage
the causes
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 of working in
mix
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mixed
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 ages.
Although
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, it finds some possible
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
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 to
this
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 statement On the one hand, there are some reasons of elder individuals are working despite their
age
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.The most common one is avoiding
to be
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being
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 retired or
to lose
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losing
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 physical
prodoctivity
Correct your spelling
productivity
. Some seniors really desire to work enjoyably, as they have more life and career experience.
Furthmore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, due to the economics, the prices of daily needs,
such
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 as food,
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
,medicines are rising significantly.
Therefore
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, some single pensioners make money for living,
instead
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 of appreciating
their
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the
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 rest of
the
Change the word
their
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 life.
For instance
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, some seniors would like to support their family by working or even paying off a mortgage or other debt.
On the other hand
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, work in older
age
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 may have an impact on senior`s
health
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, while there are some solutions for
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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, the
Correct your spelling
government
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should pay
partucular
Correct your spelling
particular
 attention to elder people, as with financial aid. If the
Correct your spelling
government
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 split the responsibility of
health
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 care and food consumption,the number of golden-agers, who have an occupation, will eventually decrease. To sum up, the frequent cause of earning at
older
Add an article
an older
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age
Use synonyms
 is making money for living, while it can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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 their
health
Use synonyms
Linking Words
However
Add the comma(s)
,However
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,
this
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 can be solved by the help of authorities, paying them more taxes, taking
health
Use synonyms
 care of retirees.
Submitted by ominam29 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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