IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
Advancements
show examples
 in technology
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 made it easier for
people
Use synonyms
 to get access to all sorts of information.
However
Linking Words
, there is a statement saying that the press is too attentive to the personal
lives
Use synonyms
 of superstars,
while
Linking Words
 they should allocate more time
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 giving details of ordinary
people
Use synonyms
’s
lives
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, reporting about the
lives
Use synonyms
 and relationships of famous
people
Use synonyms
 is a way to attract readers. Viewers are interested in getting news about celebrities because they want to know more about the person they admire.
Therefore
Linking Words
, by publishing headlines about these superstars, the media can have a high rate of viewers and make considerable profits.
In addition
Linking Words
, famous
people
Use synonyms
 can have
Correct article usage
an influences
show examples
influences
Fix the agreement mistake
influence
show examples
 on the behaviour of residents to better the community. To explicate, some celebrities contribute significantly to the development of society, so they can be a role model for the public to follow.
For example
Linking Words
, the news of Thuy Tien Miss Grand coming to Africa to help folks there has inspired residents to support the needy.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I argue that the
lives
Use synonyms
 of ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 should be paid more attention to. The public cannot know what poor and disadvantaged
people
Use synonyms
 have to suffer without reading
such
Linking Words
 articles. If the media
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 more information about the hardship and difficulty of the needy, the community will be well-informed and try to find ways to assist them.
For instance
Linking Words
, thanks to the constantly updated news about the flood in the Central part of Vietnam, folks around the country can donate their money, goods, food, and clothes to sufferers.
Also
Linking Words
, governments are able to gain a deeper insight into the
lives
Use synonyms
 of dwellers to come up with policies and solutions to improve
citizens
Check wording
citizens'
show examples
 living standards. In conclusion, it is undeniable that the press needs to be aware of the personal
lives
Use synonyms
 of superstars.
This
Linking Words
 can be beneficial for society and individuals as a
hold
Check wording
whole
show examples
, but the media should
also
Linking Words
 pay more attention to ordinary
people
Use synonyms
’s
lives
Use synonyms
 for a better community.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Be clear on your main view in the first paragraph. Say you agree or disagree at once.
coherence
Keep ideas in one point per paragraph. Use short, simple sentences.
structure
End with a short line that repeats your view.
content
Use only real or very simple examples that fit the topic.
style
Cut hard words and long phrases. Use simple words.
strength
The essay looks at both sides of the issue.
structure
There are good links between ideas with phrases like First and On the other hand.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: