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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some children pend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this is the case? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#children #pend #hours #smartphones #case #development
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In recent years many
children
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 around the world spend too much
time
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 on their phones.
This
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 is because they can play various
games
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 using
smartphones
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.
This
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 should be seen as a negative development because it reduces the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
time
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 kids spend on their studying. Modern
smartphones
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 are often used by
children
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 as a playing tool.
This
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 is because these devices allow to download and install different mobile
games
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 specially developed for
children
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.
As a result
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, they spend hours every day on
this
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 entertainment, and some of them become addicted to these
games
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.
For example
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, in Japan around 75% of
children
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 aged 9-11 spend almost four hours a day playing
games
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 on their mobile devices, which has already become a matter of concern for the health and educational departments of the country. Spending too much
time
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 on
smartphones
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 has a negative effect on
children
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’s achievements at school.
This
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 is because they endlessly scroll their
smartphones
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instead
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 of doing homework, which has a dramatic impact on their study progress. A recent study found that
children
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 who spend more than two hours a day playing with their
smartphones
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 were less successful at school subjects compared to their peers who spend less
time
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 on their phones. In conclusion, some
children
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 spend too much
time
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 on their
smartphones
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 because these devices have become a source of entertainment. I consider
this
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 to be a negative trend because
children
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 dedicate less
time
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 to their studies, which directly impacts their learning performance.
Submitted by jeannemanukyan on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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