IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others however say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures
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The discussion is about the best way to increase public
health
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, whether it's building
sports
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facilities
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 or not. Hereby I try to explain both points of view
,
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 and explain my own opinion on
this
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 matter. It's proven that athletes and normal
people
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 with a workout routine have higher
health
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 indicators than others. Some
people
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 believe authorities must focus on increasing the
number
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 of
sports
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facilities
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 based on
this
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 fact. The
number
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 of
sports
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facilities
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 correlates with the
number
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 of
people
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 who eventually use these
facilities
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. The greater the
number
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 of amateur and semi-pro athletes, the better the public
health
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 indicator of
society
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 will be.
This
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 claim is supported by the comparison of public
health
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 indicators (
such
Linking Words
 as life expectancy) in
the
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apply
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developed countries and
the
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apply
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other countries.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
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,hand
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 some
people
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 believe
although
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 the
sports
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 infrastructures availability can help public
health
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, it is not the main factor by far. They believe the
food
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culture
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, entertainment infrastructures and
the
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apply
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sportsmanship
culture
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 are more important to
build
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building
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 a more healthy
society
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.
Food
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culture
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 is important because
people
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 must eat more nutritious
food
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such
Linking Words
 as vegetables, fruits, and dairy and less fat to prevent major diseases. Entertainment infrastructures are important so the
people
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 can relax on weekends and holidays and the stress level of
society
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 doesn't raise which leads to a healthier
society
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. At
last
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 ,sportsmanship
culture
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 is the reason behind families participating in amateur and semi-pro
sports
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, which is believed to be more important than
sports
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 infrastructure. In societies with
this
Linking Words
culture
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, the families can plan hiking or mountain climbing which don't require any specific infrastructure. I conclude from
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this arguments
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this argument
these arguments
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 that the
sports
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facilities
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number
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 covers just one aspect of public
health
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 and I believe
this
Linking Words
 aspect isn't the most important one. I believe
food
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culture
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 is by far the most important factor to improve
the
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apply
show examples
public
health
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 with.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
What to do next:
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