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Band 5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others however say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures
The discussion is about the best way to increase public
health
, whether it's building
sports
facilities
 or not. Hereby I try to explain both points of view
,
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 and explain my own opinion on
this
 matter. It's proven that athletes and normal
people
 with a workout routine have higher
health
 indicators than others. Some
people
 believe authorities must focus on increasing the
number
 of
sports
facilities
 based on
this
 fact. The
number
 of
sports
facilities
 correlates with the
number
 of
people
 who eventually use these
facilities
. The greater the
number
 of amateur and semi-pro athletes, the better the public
health
 indicator of
society
 will be.
This
 claim is supported by the comparison of public
health
 indicators (
such
 as life expectancy) in
the
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developed countries and
the
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other countries.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
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 some
people
 believe
although
 the
sports
 infrastructures availability can help public
health
, it is not the main factor by far. They believe the
food
culture
, entertainment infrastructures and
the
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sportsmanship
culture
 are more important to
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 a more healthy
society
.
Food
culture
 is important because
people
 must eat more nutritious
food
such
 as vegetables, fruits, and dairy and less fat to prevent major diseases. Entertainment infrastructures are important so the
people
 can relax on weekends and holidays and the stress level of
society
 doesn't raise which leads to a healthier
society
. At
last
 ,sportsmanship
culture
 is the reason behind families participating in amateur and semi-pro
sports
, which is believed to be more important than
sports
 infrastructure. In societies with
this
culture
, the families can plan hiking or mountain climbing which don't require any specific infrastructure. I conclude from
this arguments
Change the determiner
this argument
these arguments
show examples
 that the
sports
facilities
number
 covers just one aspect of public
health
 and I believe
this
 aspect isn't the most important one. I believe
food
culture
 is by far the most important factor to improve
the
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public
health
 with.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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